It's been about three months since my last post...chalk that up to having a life, I guess :) It's finally a break from school where I don't actually have anything to do...no homework, no reading, no projects. It's amazing. I feel like such a schlub, though, I haven't really done anything. And by that, I just mean I've been able to sleep in some days and lay in my pajamas for hours. I have, in fact, been to the dentist (twice), taken my cat to the vet, met my best friend's new boyfriend, and gotten a hair cut. But I've also watched about 3000 hours of the Olympics, played some serious catch-up with the DVR, eaten nothing but shit that is making my body hate me, and laughed so hard with my mom that I forget we're not the only two people in the world (creepy? Most likely.) It's been a pretty awesome week, and I've loved every minute.
Embarrassing update for this post (you're pretty much guaranteed one every time, especially if I keep procrastinating blogging like this): If you haven't heard of my car drama up to this point, you are probably not really my friend. But anyway, I'm going to tell you this little story about what happens when you blow the engine of your Honda on the side of the interstate. Last time I was home (for my best friend's wedding, which was epic in case you were curious) I had to drive back on a Tuesday for class on Wednesday. I was planning on being home by like 8:30. I had made it through the bulk of my drive, past Wichita and into the home stretch. My car had felt a little funky around Salina, but it always runs a little bit sub-par, so I let it go. However, at one point I was pressing on the accelerator and slowing down at the same time (that's not supposed to happen, right?) and it started chugging, so I pulled off onto the side of the interstate and shut off my car. And then the oil debacle began. My oil runs out all the time so I figured I'd check it. Do you know how hard it is to refill the oil in your car on the side of the interstate when semis drive by and the wind comes sweeping down the plane? REALLY HARD. My funnel blew out of my hand. I had to chase it across two lanes. Luckily, there wasn't traffic so it wasn't unsafe, I swear. Get the funnel in. Wind blows as I'm pouring and splashes oil all over the front of my car. Whoops. Ok, so oil is filled. Get back in the car, turn on car. Nothing happens. All sorts of lights suddenly turn on for the first time ever. Awesome. Car is dead. Commence sobbing. I then become the awkward girl on the side of the car sitting in the drivers seat with her head on the steering wheel crying. Ok, fast forward. I call AAA, they keep asking me for my exact location. Of course my phone isn't working and I'm surrounded by nothing but grass. It took them an hour to find me and it was approximately 106 degrees. The tow truck shows and tells me that he's not sure the truck is gonna make it. Turns out this wasn't a joke, I'm pretty sure the tow truck nearly died about 14 times. Hills were scary. We couldn't accelerate above 50. It took two hours to drive 84 miles. And he chain smoked and blared Christian rock the whole way. But he was really nice and a little chatty so it wasn't awful. So I had to get a new engine to resurrect Thor, but he is currently mostly functioning, so I am driving again.
Anyway, enough bullshit. It's been a crazy few months. I got to come home a bunch for Katie's wedding, which was incredible. I guess I'm at that age where my friends start getting married...crazy! But I am so excited for her and it was such a fun weekend :) One of my other best friends moved to New York City, so this break I only got to see two of my best friends, but I'm so excited I got to see them both!! I've started seeing my own clients at the clinic, which is both awesome and terrifying...I finally had that moment where I really felt like I could be a therapist, which was incredibly necessary at this point, because I was really starting to have doubts. And since we start offsites next week, it is pretty good timing. It's crazy that in like a week I'm going to be a second year. Jesus. Time friggen flies.
Update on the online dating situation....there were many more creeps. I had one guy want to bring me into his polyamorous love group. No thanks, sir. There was another guy who was about 40 who wanted me to be the mother of his 11 year old twins. Gross. Then there was this guy who told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd seen in all of the internet. Flattering, but hella creepy...and really, not that flattering. But honestly, like a week after my last post a really great guy started talking to me and now he's my boyfriend :) And I started a bunch of other people onto online dating and they're all in relationships with them now, so I guess I could be considered a trendsetter?! I really didn't think anything good would come from that, but for now, I'm pretty psyched with how things are going, and so as not to embarrass him, I'm going to stop there. But I guess we can call that experiment a success at this point!
Tomorrow I get to go to friend wedding number 2 of the year in Hastings....pretty excited to go, it's gonna be a really fun time! I'm bummed to lose out on a few days at home, though, but I'll get over it. Then it's immediately into training for my offsite for a full week before classes. Gross. It's gonna be nuts. Oh, the joys of growing up. A friend of mine recently decided that I have something called "short end of the stick" syndrome, where I just find myself on the losing end of many stupid battles. I found this both hilarious and appropriate, and I want that to be an actual thing now. Anyway, my current song obsessions are I've Got This Friend by the Civil Wars (I can't get enough of them) and Can't Help Falling in Love by Ingrid Michaelson. I listened to them about 100 times on the drive up here and I can't stop. I also got a bunch of music from my Uncle Jason the last time I was in Des Moines and I'm working my way through that, but I'm newly obsessed with older jazz musicians now...so take in some of that if you can :)
Friday, August 10, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Ok...Cupid?
I'm pretty sure I am not a blogger; I have a hard time keeping up. Obviously. I also feel like lately, I haven't had anything interesting to say. Grad school has basically consumed my soul...and I knew it would, but it still sucks. Right now, I'm procrastinating homework I shouldn't have because I'm in my "summer break," but of course that's not a real thing in grad school. I'm also counting down the hours until I get to go home for my actual week off of school (approximately 28, in case you were wondering). But, I'm bored and sunburned so my position on the couch hasn't changed for the past 4 hours and I felt like I should blog some of my more recent thoughts. It's another one about love (hey, blame my day job). Get ready. But first, a quote from the show Smash that made me miss my Baba more than anything: "Jews don't sing and pray....they complain. And eat." That may seem weird, but I just miss my Baba every day and I can imagine having the conversations I'm having with myself in this blog with her on her lanai in Florida drinking wine and running our fingers around the top of the glasses. She was a great lady and I wish terribly she was still in my life. Thinking of you, Baba.
I want to preface whatever may come out of my head and my fingers by stating that I do believe in love. With all of my heart. Sometimes it may seem that this is not the case, but it is. So don't doubt that. I just have a lot of other things I'm not sure of. And that is the point of this post.
Ok, so here goes...my first thought. I'm not sure how I feel about marriage as an institution. I mean, let's face it, I want one. I'm a typical hopeless romantic woman; I'm hoping that one day I get proposed to and get to plan a big wedding with all of my loved ones and enter into the newness of a marriage relationship with someone. However, blame it on my life's experience, but I'm just not sure that human beings are monogamous people for the duration of life. Lives are longer than they ever have been, and I wonder if it is really possible to stay in love with someone for 50+ years. I mean, I want to be in a relationship with passion and excitement, and I know this takes work in a committed relationship; I'm just not sure if there is any way to maintain it in a long-term setting. Maybe because I haven't seen first-hand a real-life relationship that has lasted happily and passionately for any length of time. Relationships can last for tons of years; that doesn't mean people are happy in them. And in the profession I'm studying right now, I'm seeing first-hand how many relationships genuinely suck. And I wonder, do we all just settle because we are, as a society, expected to get married and procreate? Would we all be better off without this pressure, committing to relationships for shorter periods of time, but committing to different people as our interests and personalities develop? Who knows?
I also really wonder if I've had my chance at love and lost it. Now don't judge me if you're reading this, these are just thoughts I've had. I was with someone once who I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life. If, in fact, we are supposed to be with one person for the rest of our life, what if that was my one chance and I missed it? I mean, I'm not saying that I want to go back to him or anything (and if he's reading this...thank you for everything you taught me about myself and relationships, I hope you're doing well), but I wonder if that was my one shot and I didn't try hard enough to make it work. What if it was? Does that mean I'm doomed to wander the planet looking for someone who doesn't exist? Or are there multiple people we're meant to be with at different times in our lives for different reasons? If so, that explains that relationship...I learned things about myself and what I am looking for, I learned lessons about life and love, and I definitely grew as a person. I know I'm better for being in that relationship, as I am for being in all of my previous relationships. So hopefully there's still a chance for me out there somewhere.
As far as that goes, I'm trying to take my love life in my own hands. I started the "online dating" thing...so far it's been pretty lame. I've been talked to by mostly super creeps, so my expectations are not super high. But who knows. It's pretty hard to meet people here with my life being so stressful, so this is the best I can do. I always told myself I would never do that, but I also always told myself I'd never do something where I wasn't around males....too bad I did that one bigtime. So I'm willing to try anything...put myself out there. I'm sure I will blog about updates with that....don't you all worry. I already have some pretty ridiculous stories. Why are there so many weirdos? Don't say "because it's online dating" because I know there are good people out there and good people who online date (i.e. me and some of my friends). I'm still holding out hope. And I've only been on for less than a week, so I'm going to attempt to be patient, no matter how much I suck at it.
I'm blaming the recent upswing in my interest in dating on school. I spend all day every day talking about relationships and hearing about relationships and watching relationsips. Sue me that I now kind of want one too. I'm not in any hurry to get married (because let's face it, I'm selfish and I'm really enjoying living by myself) but it would be really nice to have someone to hang out with. Also, the bible belt is tough on 20 somethings who aren't married. I had a conversation with my cousin recently and it was one of the best conversations I've had in a long time...it's hard to have deep conversations sometimes, but she's someone I trust more than just about anyone and I really valued the time I had to talk to her. She reassured me in my struggles and my fears about life, love, and being a single girl in OK. It was unreal how much it helped to hear that I'm not the first person who is feeling all of the things that I am feeling. I know that's stupid to say, because God knows that half the world is probably right there with me, but it's always nice to know that someone you know has actually been there too. Thank God for my family. Seriously, I love them.
Well enough of all that. Something super positive that's happened in the last week....I bought a swimsuit. It's probably the first swimsuit I've ever owned that I feel good in. Society pretty much tells us that women like me are not supposed to feel sexy in swimsuits, and I've pretty much agreed for most of my life. But, I bought this swimsuit and I feel like the sexiest woman that ever was. It's like 50s style and I love it. I wore it with pride on Monday. It was an amazing feeling. I mean, it sucked in all the right things, it held in all the right things, and it is actually pretty freaking cute. So count that as a win. The not cute thing is that I only put sunscreen on my face and I have 2nd degree burns on 50% of my body. Not so sexy....and incredibly painful. But it was worth it...almost :) I've tried just about every home remedy to make the pain go away, and it turns out that the one I've liked the best has actually been the potato. I have actually been rubbing a potato on my sunburn and it's the biggest relief I've had in two days. So bizarre, but I'm a new proponent of the potato method.
I'm going to stop now because this is getting long...but as always, I want to leave you with some songs I'm loving at this moment. Try Falling or Tip of My Tongue by The Civil Wars, or The A Team or Fall by Ed Sheeran. He's this crazy redheaded dude from England with an incredible voice. They're all pretty angsty or have to deal with love, but I don't care, I'm loving them right now. I've also been going back to the 90s a ton...there were some really good 69 cent 90s songs on itunes this month...so check that out if you're interested. That's all I've got!
I want to preface whatever may come out of my head and my fingers by stating that I do believe in love. With all of my heart. Sometimes it may seem that this is not the case, but it is. So don't doubt that. I just have a lot of other things I'm not sure of. And that is the point of this post.
Ok, so here goes...my first thought. I'm not sure how I feel about marriage as an institution. I mean, let's face it, I want one. I'm a typical hopeless romantic woman; I'm hoping that one day I get proposed to and get to plan a big wedding with all of my loved ones and enter into the newness of a marriage relationship with someone. However, blame it on my life's experience, but I'm just not sure that human beings are monogamous people for the duration of life. Lives are longer than they ever have been, and I wonder if it is really possible to stay in love with someone for 50+ years. I mean, I want to be in a relationship with passion and excitement, and I know this takes work in a committed relationship; I'm just not sure if there is any way to maintain it in a long-term setting. Maybe because I haven't seen first-hand a real-life relationship that has lasted happily and passionately for any length of time. Relationships can last for tons of years; that doesn't mean people are happy in them. And in the profession I'm studying right now, I'm seeing first-hand how many relationships genuinely suck. And I wonder, do we all just settle because we are, as a society, expected to get married and procreate? Would we all be better off without this pressure, committing to relationships for shorter periods of time, but committing to different people as our interests and personalities develop? Who knows?
I also really wonder if I've had my chance at love and lost it. Now don't judge me if you're reading this, these are just thoughts I've had. I was with someone once who I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life. If, in fact, we are supposed to be with one person for the rest of our life, what if that was my one chance and I missed it? I mean, I'm not saying that I want to go back to him or anything (and if he's reading this...thank you for everything you taught me about myself and relationships, I hope you're doing well), but I wonder if that was my one shot and I didn't try hard enough to make it work. What if it was? Does that mean I'm doomed to wander the planet looking for someone who doesn't exist? Or are there multiple people we're meant to be with at different times in our lives for different reasons? If so, that explains that relationship...I learned things about myself and what I am looking for, I learned lessons about life and love, and I definitely grew as a person. I know I'm better for being in that relationship, as I am for being in all of my previous relationships. So hopefully there's still a chance for me out there somewhere.
As far as that goes, I'm trying to take my love life in my own hands. I started the "online dating" thing...so far it's been pretty lame. I've been talked to by mostly super creeps, so my expectations are not super high. But who knows. It's pretty hard to meet people here with my life being so stressful, so this is the best I can do. I always told myself I would never do that, but I also always told myself I'd never do something where I wasn't around males....too bad I did that one bigtime. So I'm willing to try anything...put myself out there. I'm sure I will blog about updates with that....don't you all worry. I already have some pretty ridiculous stories. Why are there so many weirdos? Don't say "because it's online dating" because I know there are good people out there and good people who online date (i.e. me and some of my friends). I'm still holding out hope. And I've only been on for less than a week, so I'm going to attempt to be patient, no matter how much I suck at it.
I'm blaming the recent upswing in my interest in dating on school. I spend all day every day talking about relationships and hearing about relationships and watching relationsips. Sue me that I now kind of want one too. I'm not in any hurry to get married (because let's face it, I'm selfish and I'm really enjoying living by myself) but it would be really nice to have someone to hang out with. Also, the bible belt is tough on 20 somethings who aren't married. I had a conversation with my cousin recently and it was one of the best conversations I've had in a long time...it's hard to have deep conversations sometimes, but she's someone I trust more than just about anyone and I really valued the time I had to talk to her. She reassured me in my struggles and my fears about life, love, and being a single girl in OK. It was unreal how much it helped to hear that I'm not the first person who is feeling all of the things that I am feeling. I know that's stupid to say, because God knows that half the world is probably right there with me, but it's always nice to know that someone you know has actually been there too. Thank God for my family. Seriously, I love them.
Well enough of all that. Something super positive that's happened in the last week....I bought a swimsuit. It's probably the first swimsuit I've ever owned that I feel good in. Society pretty much tells us that women like me are not supposed to feel sexy in swimsuits, and I've pretty much agreed for most of my life. But, I bought this swimsuit and I feel like the sexiest woman that ever was. It's like 50s style and I love it. I wore it with pride on Monday. It was an amazing feeling. I mean, it sucked in all the right things, it held in all the right things, and it is actually pretty freaking cute. So count that as a win. The not cute thing is that I only put sunscreen on my face and I have 2nd degree burns on 50% of my body. Not so sexy....and incredibly painful. But it was worth it...almost :) I've tried just about every home remedy to make the pain go away, and it turns out that the one I've liked the best has actually been the potato. I have actually been rubbing a potato on my sunburn and it's the biggest relief I've had in two days. So bizarre, but I'm a new proponent of the potato method.
I'm going to stop now because this is getting long...but as always, I want to leave you with some songs I'm loving at this moment. Try Falling or Tip of My Tongue by The Civil Wars, or The A Team or Fall by Ed Sheeran. He's this crazy redheaded dude from England with an incredible voice. They're all pretty angsty or have to deal with love, but I don't care, I'm loving them right now. I've also been going back to the 90s a ton...there were some really good 69 cent 90s songs on itunes this month...so check that out if you're interested. That's all I've got!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Living In The Moment
Apparently, I forgot I had a blog. Which doesn't surprise me, I've been forgetting lots of things lately...my brain is completely fried. For instance, these two burn marks:
Yes, those are grill marks on the palm of my hand, because I grabbed my George Foreman by the grill plates a few weeks ago. Evidently, I just forgot those heat up when you plug it in. This was taken pretty soon after the incident, so they are better now, but there is definite scarring. So that's cool; I have yet another scar that is in no way badass, and is in fact a result of my own stupidity.
Lucky for me, the semester will be over in two weeks and I will get a little baby summer which I am completely excited about. (a "welcome to my brain" update: I just reread this sentence and I thought it said I will get a little baby this summer...so for those of you who read that, that is not what I said, I will in no way be receiving a little baby this summer).
Now, an update on previous posts. Thinking back to my New Year's resolutions...most of those are a complete fail. I have not kept up on cleaning my place....I actually did pretty well until about mid-march when I got busy and my personal goals went to shit, as they usually do when I get stressed. I have not stopped eating like a gross-nasty. I've gotten better, as in I've initiated fruits and vegetables into my diet, but I still need to improve. Hopefully in two weeks when I can get focused on something that is not homework or grading papers I can get better on both of those things, but until then, I will keep up my gross habits :)
A lot has happened since my last post...I turned 23, which was uneventful in and of itself, but my birthday celebrations were pretty fantastic. I got to celebrate with my OKC family the Sunday before, and the word incredible does not begin to describe how they made me feel. I know I say this all the time, but being an only child, it is such a wonderful feeling to feel like you have brothers and sisters and little children that you've never experienced before. And they just welcome me into their hearts...I really am fortunate to have such amazing people so close to where I am. I also got to spend the evening of my actual birthday enjoying libations (read: getting slightly hammered, something slightly out of the ordinary for me) with all of my closest friends in Stillwater. It was such a fun night, and once again I feel pretty great to have such good people in my life. I spent the whole night laughing and enjoying myself and realizing I have great friends that let me make a fool of myself and still be my friend afterward!
I also got my first parking ticket ever, thanks to OSU having people who are constantly checking parking permits. I really don't think this happened at Creighton, but then again, I never broke parking rules at Creighton (nerd alert) so that may have had something to do with it, too. It was the day before my birthday, a little bday surprise from the man, I guess. No big deal, $20 fine and I'll be more careful with my parking (except that was sarcasm and I will still park illegally).
I got my headboard and my curtains put together in my bedroom (again, with the help of my incredible family)....and if I do say so myself, it looks pretty fantastic. There is still a curtain shortage, so it looks a little empty, but very soon that will be taken care of and it will be perfect. Here, lookey lookey:
Ignore the glare of the light...it was the best I could do. I'm pretty pumped about it, and it's just so me. So geometric. And I left off most of the pillows so you could get the full effect of the headboard, but imagine it with all the pillows! Ah, happiness. And yet another picture of my apartment...you readers have almost had the full tour now in only two pictures.
However, the biggest change of all is that I'm actually SEEING CLIENTS. Like real people are coming to me with problems and expecting me to solve them. While this is super exciting, it's also incredibly terrifying. I still feel like I haven't quite found my footing or who I am when I'm in the room. I know (read: hope) this will come with time and practice, but it's still hard to feel any sort of confidence that I can help these people when I don't even have confidence in myself to do it. So, here's to hoping I get better. It's also hard when I feel like everyone around me is already great at it...my program always says you can't compare yourself to everyone else, which is true because we're all different, but it's human nature to compare and sometimes I can't help it. So, aside from struggling with my own confidence, I'm still not sure if this is what I want to do with my life. That may come from the insecurity, so only time will tell. I'm gonna keep sticking it out and trying to do the best I can, but it's a friggen hard program. Who knew grad school would be one of the top 3 hardest things I've done in my life? But, almost done with year one....unreal.
My best friend Steph was my first official visitor to Stillwater last weekend, and she also experienced my first Stillwater tornado with me, so that was a big weekend. But it was awesome to have some love from back home come down here to hang out with me! We got to do the whole Oklahoma experience...Eskimo Joe's, tornadoes, and 5 am walmart runs...so, sorry to you Steph for having such an eventful weekend here, but I'm so happy you came!!
To end with the random thoughts swimming in my head lately....I've become very painfully aware of my molars lately, which can probably only mean that my chewing skills will be going even more downhill from now on. This is just a warning to those of you who will have the painful experience of watching me eat; sorry, I'm going to look like a tiger tearing apart my prey. Nasty. Apartment updates: obnoxious upstairs big black truck neighbor boyfriend is back in the picture making the most noise ever possible, which sucks. Trying to let that go because there is so much else to deal with, but it was a glorious four months when he was not here for whatever reason. And if anyone wants to come over and be threatening, I wouldn't complain ;). Also, the weird smell that happens when I turn on my dryer is in fact not my dryer's fault. Still don't know the culprit, so I guess if anyone wants to come over and be threatening AND knows something about ventilation, I wouldn't complain even more! Finally, I've been really obsessed with getting new and good music lately, so if you have any suggestions I am open to them! My recent obsessions have been the new Jason Mraz CD (obviously), Love is a Four Letter Word and The Lumineers CD. I actually went out and purchased the Jason Mraz CD because I actually want to have it in the flesh, as I usually do with his CDs, but there is a deluxe version on itunes for like 3 bucks more that has extra songs and live songs (most of which I've ended up purchasing anyway) so if you don't have an obsession with an actual album, buy the digital expanded CD. Ok, now I'm officially turning my brain off for the night. Until next time, my friends.
Lucky for me, the semester will be over in two weeks and I will get a little baby summer which I am completely excited about. (a "welcome to my brain" update: I just reread this sentence and I thought it said I will get a little baby this summer...so for those of you who read that, that is not what I said, I will in no way be receiving a little baby this summer).
Now, an update on previous posts. Thinking back to my New Year's resolutions...most of those are a complete fail. I have not kept up on cleaning my place....I actually did pretty well until about mid-march when I got busy and my personal goals went to shit, as they usually do when I get stressed. I have not stopped eating like a gross-nasty. I've gotten better, as in I've initiated fruits and vegetables into my diet, but I still need to improve. Hopefully in two weeks when I can get focused on something that is not homework or grading papers I can get better on both of those things, but until then, I will keep up my gross habits :)
A lot has happened since my last post...I turned 23, which was uneventful in and of itself, but my birthday celebrations were pretty fantastic. I got to celebrate with my OKC family the Sunday before, and the word incredible does not begin to describe how they made me feel. I know I say this all the time, but being an only child, it is such a wonderful feeling to feel like you have brothers and sisters and little children that you've never experienced before. And they just welcome me into their hearts...I really am fortunate to have such amazing people so close to where I am. I also got to spend the evening of my actual birthday enjoying libations (read: getting slightly hammered, something slightly out of the ordinary for me) with all of my closest friends in Stillwater. It was such a fun night, and once again I feel pretty great to have such good people in my life. I spent the whole night laughing and enjoying myself and realizing I have great friends that let me make a fool of myself and still be my friend afterward!
I also got my first parking ticket ever, thanks to OSU having people who are constantly checking parking permits. I really don't think this happened at Creighton, but then again, I never broke parking rules at Creighton (nerd alert) so that may have had something to do with it, too. It was the day before my birthday, a little bday surprise from the man, I guess. No big deal, $20 fine and I'll be more careful with my parking (except that was sarcasm and I will still park illegally).
I got my headboard and my curtains put together in my bedroom (again, with the help of my incredible family)....and if I do say so myself, it looks pretty fantastic. There is still a curtain shortage, so it looks a little empty, but very soon that will be taken care of and it will be perfect. Here, lookey lookey:
However, the biggest change of all is that I'm actually SEEING CLIENTS. Like real people are coming to me with problems and expecting me to solve them. While this is super exciting, it's also incredibly terrifying. I still feel like I haven't quite found my footing or who I am when I'm in the room. I know (read: hope) this will come with time and practice, but it's still hard to feel any sort of confidence that I can help these people when I don't even have confidence in myself to do it. So, here's to hoping I get better. It's also hard when I feel like everyone around me is already great at it...my program always says you can't compare yourself to everyone else, which is true because we're all different, but it's human nature to compare and sometimes I can't help it. So, aside from struggling with my own confidence, I'm still not sure if this is what I want to do with my life. That may come from the insecurity, so only time will tell. I'm gonna keep sticking it out and trying to do the best I can, but it's a friggen hard program. Who knew grad school would be one of the top 3 hardest things I've done in my life? But, almost done with year one....unreal.
My best friend Steph was my first official visitor to Stillwater last weekend, and she also experienced my first Stillwater tornado with me, so that was a big weekend. But it was awesome to have some love from back home come down here to hang out with me! We got to do the whole Oklahoma experience...Eskimo Joe's, tornadoes, and 5 am walmart runs...so, sorry to you Steph for having such an eventful weekend here, but I'm so happy you came!!
To end with the random thoughts swimming in my head lately....I've become very painfully aware of my molars lately, which can probably only mean that my chewing skills will be going even more downhill from now on. This is just a warning to those of you who will have the painful experience of watching me eat; sorry, I'm going to look like a tiger tearing apart my prey. Nasty. Apartment updates: obnoxious upstairs big black truck neighbor boyfriend is back in the picture making the most noise ever possible, which sucks. Trying to let that go because there is so much else to deal with, but it was a glorious four months when he was not here for whatever reason. And if anyone wants to come over and be threatening, I wouldn't complain ;). Also, the weird smell that happens when I turn on my dryer is in fact not my dryer's fault. Still don't know the culprit, so I guess if anyone wants to come over and be threatening AND knows something about ventilation, I wouldn't complain even more! Finally, I've been really obsessed with getting new and good music lately, so if you have any suggestions I am open to them! My recent obsessions have been the new Jason Mraz CD (obviously), Love is a Four Letter Word and The Lumineers CD. I actually went out and purchased the Jason Mraz CD because I actually want to have it in the flesh, as I usually do with his CDs, but there is a deluxe version on itunes for like 3 bucks more that has extra songs and live songs (most of which I've ended up purchasing anyway) so if you don't have an obsession with an actual album, buy the digital expanded CD. Ok, now I'm officially turning my brain off for the night. Until next time, my friends.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
8401 Days
As I sit here, bored, waiting for Spring Break and my barely 3 day trip home, I can't help but daydream about all the things I miss. Which is sad. But hopefully, I'll get at least some when I get there...here's my current list.
1. Pepperjax. I just want a friggen steak wrap. So bad. It's like pregnancy cravings. Every time a picture of anything from Pepperjax comes up on my facebook, a little part of me dies. This is a must do any time I go home. I would eat a steak wrap for every meal if that didn't mean I would probably die of a heart blockage.
2. The Moon. Just in general. I miss going to the moon. I miss drinking Pink Moons. I'm pretty sure every night I got super drunk in college was somehow related to the moon (Sorry, parents!). I just love this place. Maybe just because I miss college and how easy it was comparatively, and this takes me back to those days, but really, I miss that place.
3. Parking my car in a garage. This is mainly because the only good spot outside my apartment in the last few days was under the tree and now my hood is covered - COVERED - in bird shit. Which is just gross. If it's still nice in March, I'm getting a car wash and then leaving my car in there so I can remember what it's like to have it look pretty.
4. The Basement Club. Which is like the Breakfast Club, but way lamer. Lamer because it is actually just two of my best friends and me hanging out in my basement, and because I have to be Ally Sheedy, the creepy one. But I really miss that time, some of my favorite memories come from that basement and those people.
I could really go on for days about things I want to go back to, but, I have to wait 17 more days for that (and yes, there is a countdown on my phone. Don't judge me). Luckily, there are good things keeping me here, too. For one, I have friends who give me the leftover pizza so that I can eat until I get paid. Who does that? Super nice people, that's who. For two, I have homemade Kahlua from my awesome Aunt that I am drinking right now since I am so far ahead on my homework that I can kick back a little :) which is awesome. Three, I have actually kept up on keeping my apartment clean this semester, and I actually really like my clean apartment. It's cute. I much prefer my big bed here than the twin I sleep in at home. There are pros here, too. Thank God.
My apartment. More specifically, my couch. Where the magic happens. Things to notice: Candles, Kahlua, and a hole punch. Girl's best friends? Anyway, someday, I swear I'm going to post pics of the rest of my place for those of you who want to see it and haven't had the "official" skype tour.
What's closer on my phone countdown is my 23rd birthday. 9 days. So pumped. I love birthdays. Not just my birthday, all birthdays. If it's your birthday and you don't want people to know, don't tell me. I want people to sing obnoxiously to you and make you wear weird hats or do embarrassing things. Birthdays are the best! It'll be weird not celebrating with my mom this year, though. I'm kind of nervous, I've never not been home for my birthday (since it was ALWAYS over Spring Break in college) so this is the first one on my own. Not like it will be exciting at all, it's on a friggen Thursday. I'll be in class during the day and clinic at night, at least until 7. So that's kind of super lame. Hopefully some cool things will come up, but honestly, 23 is kind of boring. To quote Blink-182, "nobody likes you when you're 23." I feel like it's a downhill slide from here. All of the birthdays you look forward to after this are not fun ones, so 23 just doesn't seem that fun. And if you asked my 10 year old self where I would be when I was 23, I'm sure I'm none of those places. I bet I would have said "married, getting ready for kids (by 25, duh), living in a house with a career and blah blah blah. None of those things are happening. Which I'm ok with. I never ever thought I'd be going to grad school, never thought I'd be moving to Oklahoma, never thought I would have met some of the people I have who have changed my life, never thought I'd have mono three times, never thought my mom would have breast cancer, never thought I'd get a tattoo, never thought I'd do half of the things I've done to this day. So while my life may not have been in my plans, it's been pretty awesome. I've learned a lot, done a lot, experienced a lot, and I'm ok that it hasn't been anything I've planned. I'll get there, I'm only 22 :)
That was my 19th birthday....already 4 years ago. Holy balls. My hair was so dark! I miss it :)
My most recent big project for school was a book report on The 5 Love Languages. After reading it, I'm basically obsessed with this book. I would like everyone in the world to read this book and learn their love languages. Mine, no surprise, are physical touch and quality time. I just wanna be hugged, man! It's weird, though, realizing that people get love in different ways. It's interesting to think of how this has affected my life....like my mom, for example. She's probably a words of affirmation lady. She gets pissed when I say mean things..."I hate you, you're a jerk", etc. That means a lot to her, whereas for me, words pretty much mean nothing. You could probably tell me I'm the most horrible person in the world and it wouldn't affect me as much as if you refuse to hug me. I want to feel that you love me and for you to want to spend time with me. Your presence to me means that you love me. It's enlightening to realize that people don't necessarily feel loved the way I feel love. Some people hate physical touch, and that's probably not their love language. Fascinating stuff. Read this book. It'll change your life. That was a much bigger plug than I anticipated.....but I'm serious, so good.
I've been listening to a lot of old music lately, which has helped keep my sanity through some tough homework times last week. Everyone should go back and listen to Tracy Chapman, Give Me One Reason or Fast Car, because it's just so good. I still laugh everytime I listen to her because I thought she was a man until I was like 13, but I always thought s(he) was amazing. I also have this really weird pain in the middle of my back that I wish would go away. I hate that I always seem to have these injuries that I generally can't explain. Minus the foot thing, that was my own dumb fault. I can't wait until I get paid....my fridge looks almost as empty as when I first moved in. It has been so awful, I've never been out of money for this long. But I should be getting PAID super soon with my paycheck and my tax refund, so that's pretty great. Hopefully I can get some fun things for my apartment with this paycheck. We shall see. Ok, I'm done. Happy Leap Year tomorrow!
1. Pepperjax. I just want a friggen steak wrap. So bad. It's like pregnancy cravings. Every time a picture of anything from Pepperjax comes up on my facebook, a little part of me dies. This is a must do any time I go home. I would eat a steak wrap for every meal if that didn't mean I would probably die of a heart blockage.
2. The Moon. Just in general. I miss going to the moon. I miss drinking Pink Moons. I'm pretty sure every night I got super drunk in college was somehow related to the moon (Sorry, parents!). I just love this place. Maybe just because I miss college and how easy it was comparatively, and this takes me back to those days, but really, I miss that place.
3. Parking my car in a garage. This is mainly because the only good spot outside my apartment in the last few days was under the tree and now my hood is covered - COVERED - in bird shit. Which is just gross. If it's still nice in March, I'm getting a car wash and then leaving my car in there so I can remember what it's like to have it look pretty.
4. The Basement Club. Which is like the Breakfast Club, but way lamer. Lamer because it is actually just two of my best friends and me hanging out in my basement, and because I have to be Ally Sheedy, the creepy one. But I really miss that time, some of my favorite memories come from that basement and those people.
I could really go on for days about things I want to go back to, but, I have to wait 17 more days for that (and yes, there is a countdown on my phone. Don't judge me). Luckily, there are good things keeping me here, too. For one, I have friends who give me the leftover pizza so that I can eat until I get paid. Who does that? Super nice people, that's who. For two, I have homemade Kahlua from my awesome Aunt that I am drinking right now since I am so far ahead on my homework that I can kick back a little :) which is awesome. Three, I have actually kept up on keeping my apartment clean this semester, and I actually really like my clean apartment. It's cute. I much prefer my big bed here than the twin I sleep in at home. There are pros here, too. Thank God.
What's closer on my phone countdown is my 23rd birthday. 9 days. So pumped. I love birthdays. Not just my birthday, all birthdays. If it's your birthday and you don't want people to know, don't tell me. I want people to sing obnoxiously to you and make you wear weird hats or do embarrassing things. Birthdays are the best! It'll be weird not celebrating with my mom this year, though. I'm kind of nervous, I've never not been home for my birthday (since it was ALWAYS over Spring Break in college) so this is the first one on my own. Not like it will be exciting at all, it's on a friggen Thursday. I'll be in class during the day and clinic at night, at least until 7. So that's kind of super lame. Hopefully some cool things will come up, but honestly, 23 is kind of boring. To quote Blink-182, "nobody likes you when you're 23." I feel like it's a downhill slide from here. All of the birthdays you look forward to after this are not fun ones, so 23 just doesn't seem that fun. And if you asked my 10 year old self where I would be when I was 23, I'm sure I'm none of those places. I bet I would have said "married, getting ready for kids (by 25, duh), living in a house with a career and blah blah blah. None of those things are happening. Which I'm ok with. I never ever thought I'd be going to grad school, never thought I'd be moving to Oklahoma, never thought I would have met some of the people I have who have changed my life, never thought I'd have mono three times, never thought my mom would have breast cancer, never thought I'd get a tattoo, never thought I'd do half of the things I've done to this day. So while my life may not have been in my plans, it's been pretty awesome. I've learned a lot, done a lot, experienced a lot, and I'm ok that it hasn't been anything I've planned. I'll get there, I'm only 22 :)
My most recent big project for school was a book report on The 5 Love Languages. After reading it, I'm basically obsessed with this book. I would like everyone in the world to read this book and learn their love languages. Mine, no surprise, are physical touch and quality time. I just wanna be hugged, man! It's weird, though, realizing that people get love in different ways. It's interesting to think of how this has affected my life....like my mom, for example. She's probably a words of affirmation lady. She gets pissed when I say mean things..."I hate you, you're a jerk", etc. That means a lot to her, whereas for me, words pretty much mean nothing. You could probably tell me I'm the most horrible person in the world and it wouldn't affect me as much as if you refuse to hug me. I want to feel that you love me and for you to want to spend time with me. Your presence to me means that you love me. It's enlightening to realize that people don't necessarily feel loved the way I feel love. Some people hate physical touch, and that's probably not their love language. Fascinating stuff. Read this book. It'll change your life. That was a much bigger plug than I anticipated.....but I'm serious, so good.
I've been listening to a lot of old music lately, which has helped keep my sanity through some tough homework times last week. Everyone should go back and listen to Tracy Chapman, Give Me One Reason or Fast Car, because it's just so good. I still laugh everytime I listen to her because I thought she was a man until I was like 13, but I always thought s(he) was amazing. I also have this really weird pain in the middle of my back that I wish would go away. I hate that I always seem to have these injuries that I generally can't explain. Minus the foot thing, that was my own dumb fault. I can't wait until I get paid....my fridge looks almost as empty as when I first moved in. It has been so awful, I've never been out of money for this long. But I should be getting PAID super soon with my paycheck and my tax refund, so that's pretty great. Hopefully I can get some fun things for my apartment with this paycheck. We shall see. Ok, I'm done. Happy Leap Year tomorrow!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Frustration
Since I spent all of yesterday grading, I'm in burnout mode and since I don't have class tomorrow and don't feel like doing anything productive tonight, I'm going to blog and bitch about things instead.
This first part is pure rampage. Don't read if you don't want to feel my semi-bitter wrath.
***End of post update. Turns out most of this post is kind of on the rampage side. It's my blog, I'll be a bitch if I want to :) ***
First, I want to bitch about drivers in this state. If I have interacted with you in the past seven-ish months of me living here, you know how much I hate drivers in this state. I mean really, I'm not the best driver in the world, but I also haven't been in an accident or gotten a ticket, parking or otherwise - I just knocked on my coffee table to be safe. So, I feel like I can be justified in my frustrations. Let me lay down a few basic, simple facts that drivers really should be aware of. 1. Don't drive with your brights on when there are other cars around. I understand you need to use your brights when you're in the country by yourself so you can see. However, I'm talking to you, douche in the pickup that followed me down 51 with your brights on the entire time. You don't leave them on when people are right in front of you. You blinded me for about 30 minutes. Not cool. 2. The left lane is for passing. Seriously. I can't count how many times I've had to pass someone on the right on the INTERSTATE. That's not ok. You are not supposed to drive in the left lane. You are especially not supposed to drive in the left lane slowly. 3. Stop tailgating. For one, I want to breakcheck you. For two, I can't pass the idiot in the left lane who thinks they can go 10 under the speed limit in that lane, so don't get mad at me because other drivers are stupid. For three, if I get over to let you pass, don't get behind me again and continue to tailgate me. Clearly, lady in the red van, you don't understand what passing is. 4. Go the speed limit. Speed limits on interstates down here are like 10-15 mph higher than they are in NE. Take advantage of that.
Driving rampage over.
It still freaks me out how much more I know I-35 than I ever knew I-80. It pains me to admit that! I also love the drive to Stillwater once you get off the interstate....if there aren't many cars around you can see sooooo many stars. It feels like I'm camping...except I'm driving. Whoops. But it takes me back to the days where I really wanted to be an astronomer or an astronaut. Before the idea of never-ending space and time started scaring the shit out of me, and before I heard the song "Major Tom" and had nightmares for months. Anyway, I still get excited when I can find the big or little dipper, or Orion's belt. And that drive brings it all back to me. Sometimes I still wonder what it would be like if I kept up on that dream...took more physics. Became more nerdy than I already am. Who knows? Weird.
So as evidenced by my previous posts, I've been thinking a lot about people. This is going to sound weird, but I'm really struggling with my problem with believing everyone is telling the truth. I'm really gullible, as I've said before...but I think I really believe that people have others' best interest at heart. I can't lie. I mean really, I can't lie. I get nervous, I giggle, people can see right through me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, even when I don't want to. Yes, it sucks when I don't want people to know things about me because I can't hide it, but honestly, it makes life easier because I don't have to hide behind stories. However, I'm learning people aren't like this. People don't always tell the truth. People actually kind of suck. People let you down...which I think really blows. I accept it, but that doesn't mean I like it. My problem is, how do I stop believing everything everyone says without abandoning my desire to give people the benefit of the doubt? Or do I just need to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt entirely? I don't know. People just need to be like me. Except that would be a terribly dramatic and whiney world, so maybe not.
This post is getting really angsty - not my intention - oops. On a brighter note, I think my toe is better. I can almost walk on it without limping, and I wore a real pair of shoes today. Maybe it wasn't broken....it was gross, but potentially not broken. So my streak of perfect boneage (that sounded incredibly slutty. My bad) may continue. Also excting, my birthday is in like two and a half weeks. Which is kind of fun.....potentially. Even more exciting is that I get to go home the week after that....probably looking forward to that more.
I really don't have anything exciting to talk about, this was more to waste time and procrastinate. But, the songs I really like this week are random. 1. Helena Beat, by Foster the People (yes, they have more songs than the one). I just can't get it out of my head. Also, 2. I am not a Whore, by LMFAO. Don't judge me, I just think it's hilarious. "I'm a human, not a sandwich." Brings me back to like sophomore year of college when Anne and I were obsessed with this song....losers :)
This first part is pure rampage. Don't read if you don't want to feel my semi-bitter wrath.
***End of post update. Turns out most of this post is kind of on the rampage side. It's my blog, I'll be a bitch if I want to :) ***
First, I want to bitch about drivers in this state. If I have interacted with you in the past seven-ish months of me living here, you know how much I hate drivers in this state. I mean really, I'm not the best driver in the world, but I also haven't been in an accident or gotten a ticket, parking or otherwise - I just knocked on my coffee table to be safe. So, I feel like I can be justified in my frustrations. Let me lay down a few basic, simple facts that drivers really should be aware of. 1. Don't drive with your brights on when there are other cars around. I understand you need to use your brights when you're in the country by yourself so you can see. However, I'm talking to you, douche in the pickup that followed me down 51 with your brights on the entire time. You don't leave them on when people are right in front of you. You blinded me for about 30 minutes. Not cool. 2. The left lane is for passing. Seriously. I can't count how many times I've had to pass someone on the right on the INTERSTATE. That's not ok. You are not supposed to drive in the left lane. You are especially not supposed to drive in the left lane slowly. 3. Stop tailgating. For one, I want to breakcheck you. For two, I can't pass the idiot in the left lane who thinks they can go 10 under the speed limit in that lane, so don't get mad at me because other drivers are stupid. For three, if I get over to let you pass, don't get behind me again and continue to tailgate me. Clearly, lady in the red van, you don't understand what passing is. 4. Go the speed limit. Speed limits on interstates down here are like 10-15 mph higher than they are in NE. Take advantage of that.
Driving rampage over.
It still freaks me out how much more I know I-35 than I ever knew I-80. It pains me to admit that! I also love the drive to Stillwater once you get off the interstate....if there aren't many cars around you can see sooooo many stars. It feels like I'm camping...except I'm driving. Whoops. But it takes me back to the days where I really wanted to be an astronomer or an astronaut. Before the idea of never-ending space and time started scaring the shit out of me, and before I heard the song "Major Tom" and had nightmares for months. Anyway, I still get excited when I can find the big or little dipper, or Orion's belt. And that drive brings it all back to me. Sometimes I still wonder what it would be like if I kept up on that dream...took more physics. Became more nerdy than I already am. Who knows? Weird.
So as evidenced by my previous posts, I've been thinking a lot about people. This is going to sound weird, but I'm really struggling with my problem with believing everyone is telling the truth. I'm really gullible, as I've said before...but I think I really believe that people have others' best interest at heart. I can't lie. I mean really, I can't lie. I get nervous, I giggle, people can see right through me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, even when I don't want to. Yes, it sucks when I don't want people to know things about me because I can't hide it, but honestly, it makes life easier because I don't have to hide behind stories. However, I'm learning people aren't like this. People don't always tell the truth. People actually kind of suck. People let you down...which I think really blows. I accept it, but that doesn't mean I like it. My problem is, how do I stop believing everything everyone says without abandoning my desire to give people the benefit of the doubt? Or do I just need to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt entirely? I don't know. People just need to be like me. Except that would be a terribly dramatic and whiney world, so maybe not.
This post is getting really angsty - not my intention - oops. On a brighter note, I think my toe is better. I can almost walk on it without limping, and I wore a real pair of shoes today. Maybe it wasn't broken....it was gross, but potentially not broken. So my streak of perfect boneage (that sounded incredibly slutty. My bad) may continue. Also excting, my birthday is in like two and a half weeks. Which is kind of fun.....potentially. Even more exciting is that I get to go home the week after that....probably looking forward to that more.
I really don't have anything exciting to talk about, this was more to waste time and procrastinate. But, the songs I really like this week are random. 1. Helena Beat, by Foster the People (yes, they have more songs than the one). I just can't get it out of my head. Also, 2. I am not a Whore, by LMFAO. Don't judge me, I just think it's hilarious. "I'm a human, not a sandwich." Brings me back to like sophomore year of college when Anne and I were obsessed with this song....losers :)
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Delirium
If you read my facebook, you will already know of my revelation that my life is a complete messy joke. Let me explain to you some reasons why:
1. My 22 year streak of never actually breaking a bone (save for that one time in 5th grade where I jacked up my finger - however, no bone was supposedly ever broken) is over. Not officially, because I really don't want to go to the doctor and have to tell another dumb story to another doctor, but I'm fairly certain my feet will never be the same again. For all of you who haven't heard, this is the story. After picking up interviewees from the OKC airport and going to dinner, we all went back to my friend's house and I had to go to the bathroom, but someone was in the downstairs one so I had to go upstairs. Here you should be aware of my awesome history with stairs. As in, I'm bad at them. Anyway, coming back down the stairs, wearing some socks my mom got me for Christmas (Thanks for the danger socks, mom), I start thinking "shit, these stairs feel really steep and kind of slippery." No joke. It's like I can predict my embarrassing future. I'm not sure if it was the stairs fault, or if it was a mix of my top-heaviness and slightly over the stair speed limit pace, but I only walked down about half of the stairs. The rest of the stairs saw some combination of my stomach, face, arms, and legs. Basically I somersaulted down the second half of the stairs. Apparently I didn't scream (or swear, surprisingly) or make any noise except the thuds as I was descending to the bottom. So, now I'm laying at the bottom laughing my ass off because that was one of the most embarrassing things I've done recently and then I remember there are other people in this house that isn't mine. So, I pick up my bruised ego (after getting a picture taken so this moment will follow me forever) and face three people I met about 3 hours prior and 2 of my friends, and realize this is the impression these girls are getting of the OSU MFT program (whoops). So then I start sitting there, still laughing because my friends won't stop laughing every time they look at me and my pinky toe starts throbbing and we realize it's about twice the size of the other one. Oh, and I can't move it. At all. So that's my broken toe story. Of course, the next day was interviews so I had to explain the story because I am supposed to keep my foot elevated and I looked like a schlub, but luckily, my friends were kind enough to show all of my professors the picture so my reputation preceded me :) Awesome. Now, it's suuuuper bruised and I still can't move it and it still hurts, but I moved from not really being able to wear shoes yesterday to partially being able to walk on it without feeling like I'm dying today, so I'm hoping it just heals and I can have a regular looking foot again. Also, here's an awkward pic of my bruised foot. Sorry if you're creeped out by feet, but I know there are people who read this who will want to see this or that have foot fetishes (just kidding about the last part). My toe is still about twice the size of the other one. Ugh. Be happy I didn't post the side view.
2. The weirdest people in the world want to be my friend. Enter the old lady in my stats class. By old, I mean like, 60+. I'm not being mean, I just don't know how else to describe her. She's bizarre. Nice, but bizarre. And now she has my phone number. Because I happen to be pretty good at stats (though my professor won't let me answer any of the questions even though I don't answer them often) and Stats Lady - name being withheld because I feel mean - must have heard me answering all the questions and wants me to be able to help her if she needs it. I couldn't fake number her because I see her every Tuesday night....so I'm just praying she doesn't actually call me. Because I'm super awkward and don't know how long I'd be able to keep it together.
3. Pretty sure I'm actually becoming an insomniac. I haven't been able to go to sleep at a regular hour in forever. Even if I have to wake up hella early, I'll be up until at least 2 or 3. So I've been pretty delirious lately. Making me say really awkward things in really awkward places. For instance, telling one of my professors of my weird crush on Dr. Drew. In class. Or why I blog weird stuff at 1 in the morning.
One thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is trust. Weird. But I have this thing where I can never decide if I trust everyone or if I trust no one. I know I've said both plenty of times. I'm starting to think that it's the same thing. Trusting everyone means that you believe everything everyone says...which I generally do. But I kind of feel like if you believe everything anyone says, you also don't believe anything anyone says. Because everything can change in an instant. How can you believe everyone? It's impossible. Someone is going to contradict someone else, and then you're in a cycle. It's like a walking contradiction. A pit of confusion. I guess I'll just keep trusting/not trusting everyone since I'm not sure I can stop it anyway.
Also, I'm wondering about people with "types". People always ask people what their type is. If you ask me, I probably answer something different based on who is asking and what I'm thinking at that exact moment. I mean, really, if you look at the last 3 or 4 guys I've been attracted to, they have absolutely nothing in common. But most would fit in to one of my types. I'm not going to specifically say what they are because God knows who reads this, but there is a pretty big spectrum. So let's say a person has one type. Does that make you shallow? Like if you find yourself only be attracted to someone if they're blonde, 6'4", and have a 6 pack (not a type of mine, by the way) is that your subconscious' way of being shallow for you? Eliminating people based on dumb stuff that isn't super relevant...I mean, we could get into evolutionary psych, but that's not where I'm going. But really, if you have this "type" and you don't talk to anyone that doesn't fit it, you're missing some of the best stuff. Earlier mentioned blonde guy could in fact be a convict, but your type says "go for it, he's perfect," when brunette, short, fat guy is everything you want and more. Maybe every blonde, 6'4" fit dude is actually an asshole, but you're being shallow and don't know any better. So, I'm thinking types are overrated. I think, based on my multiple types, maybe I just really don't have one. Maybe it's like my trust problem. I like everyone, I like no one. That sounded slutty - again, not what I meant. But you get it. Or you don't. I don't care, it's my blog.
Well, that got delirious fast. Since I started writing this blog I have done 2 loads of laundry, eaten a bowl of sherbet, and now I'm sucking down cough drops because all of a sudden I feel allergic to air. Now I kind of just want some chicken soup and a cuddle because being in pain and feeling like shit is not a good combo. My prostitute neighbor has about 4 guys outside yelling right now, so I'll probably be up a little bit longer...thinking I may try and make myself a fancy dinner on Valentine's Day to celebrate being done with this stats test.....and by fancy, I mean potentially cooking a steak on my George Foreman....I could see that turning into another unfortunate blog post when I set my apartment on fire, but we will see what happens. In the spirit of V Day, you should all listen to Jason Mraz's new song I Won't Give Up and then cry little baby tears. So good. Also, now that I'm completely stream-of-consciousness-ing, when did Stephen King movies get so shitty? I DVRed Bag of Bones sometime last year and finally got around to watching the first two hours of it....the suck could come from the fact that friggen Pierce Brosnan is the main character, or potentially because there is still another two hours I have to watch, but the first half made me want to shoot myself. I miss the ones I used to watch as a kid. Maybe they were only scary because I was a kid, but still. Going downhill, Stephen. Going downhill. Ok, I need to stop now.
P.S. I just spell checked...it says "blonde" is spelled without an "e". Since when are both not acceptable? Lame grammar rules. I'm keeping it in protest.
1. My 22 year streak of never actually breaking a bone (save for that one time in 5th grade where I jacked up my finger - however, no bone was supposedly ever broken) is over. Not officially, because I really don't want to go to the doctor and have to tell another dumb story to another doctor, but I'm fairly certain my feet will never be the same again. For all of you who haven't heard, this is the story. After picking up interviewees from the OKC airport and going to dinner, we all went back to my friend's house and I had to go to the bathroom, but someone was in the downstairs one so I had to go upstairs. Here you should be aware of my awesome history with stairs. As in, I'm bad at them. Anyway, coming back down the stairs, wearing some socks my mom got me for Christmas (Thanks for the danger socks, mom), I start thinking "shit, these stairs feel really steep and kind of slippery." No joke. It's like I can predict my embarrassing future. I'm not sure if it was the stairs fault, or if it was a mix of my top-heaviness and slightly over the stair speed limit pace, but I only walked down about half of the stairs. The rest of the stairs saw some combination of my stomach, face, arms, and legs. Basically I somersaulted down the second half of the stairs. Apparently I didn't scream (or swear, surprisingly) or make any noise except the thuds as I was descending to the bottom. So, now I'm laying at the bottom laughing my ass off because that was one of the most embarrassing things I've done recently and then I remember there are other people in this house that isn't mine. So, I pick up my bruised ego (after getting a picture taken so this moment will follow me forever) and face three people I met about 3 hours prior and 2 of my friends, and realize this is the impression these girls are getting of the OSU MFT program (whoops). So then I start sitting there, still laughing because my friends won't stop laughing every time they look at me and my pinky toe starts throbbing and we realize it's about twice the size of the other one. Oh, and I can't move it. At all. So that's my broken toe story. Of course, the next day was interviews so I had to explain the story because I am supposed to keep my foot elevated and I looked like a schlub, but luckily, my friends were kind enough to show all of my professors the picture so my reputation preceded me :) Awesome. Now, it's suuuuper bruised and I still can't move it and it still hurts, but I moved from not really being able to wear shoes yesterday to partially being able to walk on it without feeling like I'm dying today, so I'm hoping it just heals and I can have a regular looking foot again. Also, here's an awkward pic of my bruised foot. Sorry if you're creeped out by feet, but I know there are people who read this who will want to see this or that have foot fetishes (just kidding about the last part). My toe is still about twice the size of the other one. Ugh. Be happy I didn't post the side view.
3. Pretty sure I'm actually becoming an insomniac. I haven't been able to go to sleep at a regular hour in forever. Even if I have to wake up hella early, I'll be up until at least 2 or 3. So I've been pretty delirious lately. Making me say really awkward things in really awkward places. For instance, telling one of my professors of my weird crush on Dr. Drew. In class. Or why I blog weird stuff at 1 in the morning.
One thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is trust. Weird. But I have this thing where I can never decide if I trust everyone or if I trust no one. I know I've said both plenty of times. I'm starting to think that it's the same thing. Trusting everyone means that you believe everything everyone says...which I generally do. But I kind of feel like if you believe everything anyone says, you also don't believe anything anyone says. Because everything can change in an instant. How can you believe everyone? It's impossible. Someone is going to contradict someone else, and then you're in a cycle. It's like a walking contradiction. A pit of confusion. I guess I'll just keep trusting/not trusting everyone since I'm not sure I can stop it anyway.
Also, I'm wondering about people with "types". People always ask people what their type is. If you ask me, I probably answer something different based on who is asking and what I'm thinking at that exact moment. I mean, really, if you look at the last 3 or 4 guys I've been attracted to, they have absolutely nothing in common. But most would fit in to one of my types. I'm not going to specifically say what they are because God knows who reads this, but there is a pretty big spectrum. So let's say a person has one type. Does that make you shallow? Like if you find yourself only be attracted to someone if they're blonde, 6'4", and have a 6 pack (not a type of mine, by the way) is that your subconscious' way of being shallow for you? Eliminating people based on dumb stuff that isn't super relevant...I mean, we could get into evolutionary psych, but that's not where I'm going. But really, if you have this "type" and you don't talk to anyone that doesn't fit it, you're missing some of the best stuff. Earlier mentioned blonde guy could in fact be a convict, but your type says "go for it, he's perfect," when brunette, short, fat guy is everything you want and more. Maybe every blonde, 6'4" fit dude is actually an asshole, but you're being shallow and don't know any better. So, I'm thinking types are overrated. I think, based on my multiple types, maybe I just really don't have one. Maybe it's like my trust problem. I like everyone, I like no one. That sounded slutty - again, not what I meant. But you get it. Or you don't. I don't care, it's my blog.
Well, that got delirious fast. Since I started writing this blog I have done 2 loads of laundry, eaten a bowl of sherbet, and now I'm sucking down cough drops because all of a sudden I feel allergic to air. Now I kind of just want some chicken soup and a cuddle because being in pain and feeling like shit is not a good combo. My prostitute neighbor has about 4 guys outside yelling right now, so I'll probably be up a little bit longer...thinking I may try and make myself a fancy dinner on Valentine's Day to celebrate being done with this stats test.....and by fancy, I mean potentially cooking a steak on my George Foreman....I could see that turning into another unfortunate blog post when I set my apartment on fire, but we will see what happens. In the spirit of V Day, you should all listen to Jason Mraz's new song I Won't Give Up and then cry little baby tears. So good. Also, now that I'm completely stream-of-consciousness-ing, when did Stephen King movies get so shitty? I DVRed Bag of Bones sometime last year and finally got around to watching the first two hours of it....the suck could come from the fact that friggen Pierce Brosnan is the main character, or potentially because there is still another two hours I have to watch, but the first half made me want to shoot myself. I miss the ones I used to watch as a kid. Maybe they were only scary because I was a kid, but still. Going downhill, Stephen. Going downhill. Ok, I need to stop now.
P.S. I just spell checked...it says "blonde" is spelled without an "e". Since when are both not acceptable? Lame grammar rules. I'm keeping it in protest.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
You Are a Murderer of Love
Twice in one week? I know, too much. But I had some more thoughts about things. First though, my embarrassing story of the day.
Warning. Don't read this paragraph if you get grossed out by things that are a tiny bit gross. Or ears.
So if you've been around me lately, I'm sure you've heard - cause let's face it, I like to bitch about things sometimes - of my weird ear problem where I wake up and I can't hear out of my right ear and how it's because I have sinus stuff. Usually, it goes away in like 10 minutes and I can hear again, but today I woke up and it wouldn't go away. For hours. So I got freaked out that I was going deaf and decided to go to the University Health place to get it looked at and make it go away. Ok. Fast forward four hours. At student health. The doctor is an old man whose first comment is "so you've been shoving beans in your ears, huh?" Ok, doc. I'm 22, almost 23. Not 7. And that was not funny. But I play along because if I need drugs, I want stuff that will actually help me. So I giggle and let him keep telling dumb jokes. Awkward 5 minutes ensues where he asks me my symptoms and I don't really have any besides the fact that I can't hear out of my right ear. So he looks in my ear and is like "there's so much waxy buildup I can't even see your eardrum." Well, that's disgusting. I'm a clean person, that shit doesn't happen to clean people. I guess it does....anyway, he asks if I want them to flush it. Sure! What the hell else am I going to do? So this nurse lady flushes out my ear....no joke. Weirdest thing I've ever had done to me....anyway, all of a sudden I can hear and the lady is like "uh, do you want to see what came out." First reaction: NO! Second reaction: well, if she's asking me, maybe I should. So I do. Freaking part of a q-tip has been shoved in my eardrum for God knows how long. I don't know how it got there. I'm freaking out. First of all, really embarrassed that obnoxious doctor guy is going to have to come back in and I am now suddenly the 7 year old with shit shoved in her ear. Second of all, that's just absolutely disgusting. Walk of shame out of student health commences. What a day. Moral of the story? Don't use q-tips.
Ok, everyone can read again.
So the real reason I wanted to post is because of love. And that is purely because I watched half of the movie Dan in Real Life last night (freaking love that movie), and partially because it's February, and that just means love. Anyway, the whole premise is based on this dorky guy finding love in all of the wrong places. Of course in the end it turns out well, but there's drama. So I'm watching this movie I've seen like 5 times, and some parts still get to me. Like how the hopelessly romantic teenage daughter is obsessed with her boyfriend. Well, dad is not happy about this and sends boyfriend away. Boyfriend says to dad, "Love is not a feeling. It's an ability." Well, first he said it in Spanish, which was really hot because of my obsession with foreign language. But that's beside the point. I was really struck by what he said. Probably every person you ask to define love will say it's some sort of feeling where you blah blah blah.
BUT....what if love isn't really a feeling, just an ability? A skill a person can have, or learn? That almost makes more sense to me. Which I find weird, because I'm a hopeless romantic and would have said the same thing when asked. Love is all about feeling goofy and safe and happy and excited and all of those things. If we think of love as an ability, it makes a lot more sense. Some people just don't have it. Some people suck at love. It's true. I know people that said they've never been in love. Maybe they just weren't born with, or taught, the ability to love. They may have had plenty of happy and wonderful relationships, but never been in love because they just don't know how, or what that even means. I know people who claim they are incapable of being loved. Maybe they don't have that ability, either? But, if love is an ability, that means it can be taught. It is impossible to cause a person to feel in a certain way. People are going to feel what they want to feel, regardless of what someone says. If someone says they can't feel love, maybe it's true, they can't. But what if they could be taught love. I feel more confident teaching someone how to play the piano than I do teaching someone how to feel depressed.
On the other end of the spectrum, love being an ability could be the reason behind the fact that I am really good at it. And by "really good at it" I mean I fall in love all the time. I have no problem being in love. I love to love. I love to be loved. Might as well face it, I'm addicted to love. I don't ever know why, or what it is about my feelings that makes it love, but I know that it is. Which is weird. And after watching The Bachelor tonight, I wonder if maybe those girls aren't just really good at love too. Really bad at sanity and making good choices, but really good at love. Honestly, though, I just think they're all nuts. But, according to this new theory, maybe they're just well trained. If you think of it like that, you could argue that you could train someone to love poorly, in the opposite direction, which could also explain the crazy girls on the bachelor: trained poorly.
I think all people should be able to love and be loved. I don't care how badly you've been hurt in the past, how afraid you are of love, or how much you claim you don't need it. Love is an experience. You need to have it whenever you get the opportunity. Love hard. Love big. I could start quoting (more) cheesy movies but I'm not going to, because that's lame.
Well, that's my ramble on love. Whatever love is, I like it. The end. Oh, funny (not really) story. I went to Chick-fil-a tonight because I was having a massive craving....call it my reward for the ear thing. Anyway, in my bag there was an invitation to Valentine's Day at Chick-fil-a. No joke. They're having a valet. And a photographer. And it's 25 bucks. You better get a whole friggen chicken for that. But, probably beats the plans I will have...stats test and then homework. Lame. Oh well. I'm still not going to be that girl that hates V-day. I really like V-day. Guess it's the hopeless romantic in me. Good hopeless romance song for right now? Make You Feel My Love, by Adele. She is the queen of romance. Now go on, learn to love, or feel love, or just love. Whatever :) And if you think different...let me know. I want to hear!
Oh, and P.S.-Pretty sure my million bottles of water broke the bottom shelf in my fridge. Whoops.
Warning. Don't read this paragraph if you get grossed out by things that are a tiny bit gross. Or ears.
So if you've been around me lately, I'm sure you've heard - cause let's face it, I like to bitch about things sometimes - of my weird ear problem where I wake up and I can't hear out of my right ear and how it's because I have sinus stuff. Usually, it goes away in like 10 minutes and I can hear again, but today I woke up and it wouldn't go away. For hours. So I got freaked out that I was going deaf and decided to go to the University Health place to get it looked at and make it go away. Ok. Fast forward four hours. At student health. The doctor is an old man whose first comment is "so you've been shoving beans in your ears, huh?" Ok, doc. I'm 22, almost 23. Not 7. And that was not funny. But I play along because if I need drugs, I want stuff that will actually help me. So I giggle and let him keep telling dumb jokes. Awkward 5 minutes ensues where he asks me my symptoms and I don't really have any besides the fact that I can't hear out of my right ear. So he looks in my ear and is like "there's so much waxy buildup I can't even see your eardrum." Well, that's disgusting. I'm a clean person, that shit doesn't happen to clean people. I guess it does....anyway, he asks if I want them to flush it. Sure! What the hell else am I going to do? So this nurse lady flushes out my ear....no joke. Weirdest thing I've ever had done to me....anyway, all of a sudden I can hear and the lady is like "uh, do you want to see what came out." First reaction: NO! Second reaction: well, if she's asking me, maybe I should. So I do. Freaking part of a q-tip has been shoved in my eardrum for God knows how long. I don't know how it got there. I'm freaking out. First of all, really embarrassed that obnoxious doctor guy is going to have to come back in and I am now suddenly the 7 year old with shit shoved in her ear. Second of all, that's just absolutely disgusting. Walk of shame out of student health commences. What a day. Moral of the story? Don't use q-tips.
Ok, everyone can read again.
So the real reason I wanted to post is because of love. And that is purely because I watched half of the movie Dan in Real Life last night (freaking love that movie), and partially because it's February, and that just means love. Anyway, the whole premise is based on this dorky guy finding love in all of the wrong places. Of course in the end it turns out well, but there's drama. So I'm watching this movie I've seen like 5 times, and some parts still get to me. Like how the hopelessly romantic teenage daughter is obsessed with her boyfriend. Well, dad is not happy about this and sends boyfriend away. Boyfriend says to dad, "Love is not a feeling. It's an ability." Well, first he said it in Spanish, which was really hot because of my obsession with foreign language. But that's beside the point. I was really struck by what he said. Probably every person you ask to define love will say it's some sort of feeling where you blah blah blah.
BUT....what if love isn't really a feeling, just an ability? A skill a person can have, or learn? That almost makes more sense to me. Which I find weird, because I'm a hopeless romantic and would have said the same thing when asked. Love is all about feeling goofy and safe and happy and excited and all of those things. If we think of love as an ability, it makes a lot more sense. Some people just don't have it. Some people suck at love. It's true. I know people that said they've never been in love. Maybe they just weren't born with, or taught, the ability to love. They may have had plenty of happy and wonderful relationships, but never been in love because they just don't know how, or what that even means. I know people who claim they are incapable of being loved. Maybe they don't have that ability, either? But, if love is an ability, that means it can be taught. It is impossible to cause a person to feel in a certain way. People are going to feel what they want to feel, regardless of what someone says. If someone says they can't feel love, maybe it's true, they can't. But what if they could be taught love. I feel more confident teaching someone how to play the piano than I do teaching someone how to feel depressed.
On the other end of the spectrum, love being an ability could be the reason behind the fact that I am really good at it. And by "really good at it" I mean I fall in love all the time. I have no problem being in love. I love to love. I love to be loved. Might as well face it, I'm addicted to love. I don't ever know why, or what it is about my feelings that makes it love, but I know that it is. Which is weird. And after watching The Bachelor tonight, I wonder if maybe those girls aren't just really good at love too. Really bad at sanity and making good choices, but really good at love. Honestly, though, I just think they're all nuts. But, according to this new theory, maybe they're just well trained. If you think of it like that, you could argue that you could train someone to love poorly, in the opposite direction, which could also explain the crazy girls on the bachelor: trained poorly.
I think all people should be able to love and be loved. I don't care how badly you've been hurt in the past, how afraid you are of love, or how much you claim you don't need it. Love is an experience. You need to have it whenever you get the opportunity. Love hard. Love big. I could start quoting (more) cheesy movies but I'm not going to, because that's lame.
Well, that's my ramble on love. Whatever love is, I like it. The end. Oh, funny (not really) story. I went to Chick-fil-a tonight because I was having a massive craving....call it my reward for the ear thing. Anyway, in my bag there was an invitation to Valentine's Day at Chick-fil-a. No joke. They're having a valet. And a photographer. And it's 25 bucks. You better get a whole friggen chicken for that. But, probably beats the plans I will have...stats test and then homework. Lame. Oh well. I'm still not going to be that girl that hates V-day. I really like V-day. Guess it's the hopeless romantic in me. Good hopeless romance song for right now? Make You Feel My Love, by Adele. She is the queen of romance. Now go on, learn to love, or feel love, or just love. Whatever :) And if you think different...let me know. I want to hear!
Oh, and P.S.-Pretty sure my million bottles of water broke the bottom shelf in my fridge. Whoops.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Resolution
First of all, I really suck at this whole blog thing. I think it's partially because nothing exciting ever happens in my life. That's probably a good thing, but for my blog, not so much. However, I'm not in the mood to keep doing homework, so I'm doing this tonight instead.
In the spirit of the new year, I've made some resolutions....I don't like to do resolutions ever because I really suck on follow through, but in the spirit of self-reflection, I'm gonna do it.
Resolution 1: Stop being such a fatass (and I mean that in the nicest way possible). I honestly don't think of myself as a fatass, but I could lose a few pounds and be a bit healthier. I'm pretty ok with my body. I mean, I'm no Heidi Klum, but I really like my body. I'm proud of my curves and I like the way I look (most days). But I am bigger than I should be for my height, and my eating habits are disgusting. I love macaroni and cheese, I have an unhealthy obsession with Dr. Pepper, and I would pick chocolate over grapes any day. So I'm making changes. I'm working out...legitimately. I've stopped buying soda and I'm trying to do the whole "drink water" thing that everyone is so big on. So we'll see how that goes. I just need to get in shape!
Resolution 2: Take risks. I know you're thinking "really, Sarah. You? Take risks?" Yeah, I get that. Hence the resolution. I need to sometimes pull my head out of my ass, stop playing it safe, and be spontaneous. (side note: every time I say any form of the word "spontaneous" I'm taken back to my 8th grade spelling bee where I couldn't spell the word spontaneity out loud. I still can't. Anyway...) I want to learn to enjoy life, not be so planned out, and start realizing that no matter how well I plan something, something else happens anyway. Live a little, damnit.
Resolution 3: Take care of myself. My program preaches the need of self-care, and I seem to have a problem with that. I don't like to go to sleep at night, I don't eat well (as previously discussed) my apartment is always in shambles, and I feel sick a lot because I'm not taking care of myself. So I'm making it my goal to get things done ahead of time so I don't get so stressed doing last minute stuff. So far, it's been working out pretty well, but the semester is just beginning. I just cleaned my whole apartment and my goal is to not let it get so gross again. I don't like being gross, but sometimes it happens. So, this one could be the game changer. If I start taking care of my things, maybe I'll start taking better care of myself, no? Probably a good philosophy.
Enough of the resolutions. I've been feeling very philosophical lately....sometimes I get in these moods where I just want to figure out the world. Recently, I've been struggling with this weird feeling that this is my world and everyone else is just living in it. That sounds really selfish and that is not what I'm meaning. It's actually kind of lonely. It's weird, like my whole life is this figment of my imagination. But then I think, if that were true, I really wouldn't have made it this hard on myself!! So clearly, I snap out of that stuff pretty quick. I've also gotten really interested in my own morals and values. We talk a lot in class about how a person's beliefs shape how they interact with people, and I've really began to dig into what I actually believe in, and this is causing a little bit of internal confusion. I've always felt pretty solid in what I believe, but since I have adopted a more religiously "neutral" outlook on life, I'm not sure where my morals are grounded anymore. There are certain religous rules around love, sex, proper human interaction....just about everything you can think of. But when you start to doubt the religious underpinnings of many rules held by society, you start to wonder what's holding you to these morals. No, this is not me abandoning my morals by any means, but I'm starting to really figure out why I believe in what I believe in. It's kind of this weird morality limbo. It's a strange place to be, but I like figuring it all out.
So with all of that....I'm hoping for big things this year. Usually I don't like to get my hopes up, but I'm thinking, if I don't, what am I living for?! So I'm thinking, maybe this is the year that I will learn how to cook? Maybe this is the year I will find love? Maybe this is the year I will learn to live life to the fullest? Who knows!? But I'm kind of excited to see where it goes. It's already been a pretty great year, just spending time with my friends and my family. I'm hoping it continues.
To wrap up this moderately depressing post, some songs you should be aware of right now: We Found Love, by Boyce Avenue (originally by Rihanna) and My Heart With You, by The Rescues. So. Good. I guess my musical obsession has also gotten me a little more excited about this year. Thank God for music.
In the spirit of the new year, I've made some resolutions....I don't like to do resolutions ever because I really suck on follow through, but in the spirit of self-reflection, I'm gonna do it.
Resolution 1: Stop being such a fatass (and I mean that in the nicest way possible). I honestly don't think of myself as a fatass, but I could lose a few pounds and be a bit healthier. I'm pretty ok with my body. I mean, I'm no Heidi Klum, but I really like my body. I'm proud of my curves and I like the way I look (most days). But I am bigger than I should be for my height, and my eating habits are disgusting. I love macaroni and cheese, I have an unhealthy obsession with Dr. Pepper, and I would pick chocolate over grapes any day. So I'm making changes. I'm working out...legitimately. I've stopped buying soda and I'm trying to do the whole "drink water" thing that everyone is so big on. So we'll see how that goes. I just need to get in shape!
Resolution 2: Take risks. I know you're thinking "really, Sarah. You? Take risks?" Yeah, I get that. Hence the resolution. I need to sometimes pull my head out of my ass, stop playing it safe, and be spontaneous. (side note: every time I say any form of the word "spontaneous" I'm taken back to my 8th grade spelling bee where I couldn't spell the word spontaneity out loud. I still can't. Anyway...) I want to learn to enjoy life, not be so planned out, and start realizing that no matter how well I plan something, something else happens anyway. Live a little, damnit.
Resolution 3: Take care of myself. My program preaches the need of self-care, and I seem to have a problem with that. I don't like to go to sleep at night, I don't eat well (as previously discussed) my apartment is always in shambles, and I feel sick a lot because I'm not taking care of myself. So I'm making it my goal to get things done ahead of time so I don't get so stressed doing last minute stuff. So far, it's been working out pretty well, but the semester is just beginning. I just cleaned my whole apartment and my goal is to not let it get so gross again. I don't like being gross, but sometimes it happens. So, this one could be the game changer. If I start taking care of my things, maybe I'll start taking better care of myself, no? Probably a good philosophy.
Enough of the resolutions. I've been feeling very philosophical lately....sometimes I get in these moods where I just want to figure out the world. Recently, I've been struggling with this weird feeling that this is my world and everyone else is just living in it. That sounds really selfish and that is not what I'm meaning. It's actually kind of lonely. It's weird, like my whole life is this figment of my imagination. But then I think, if that were true, I really wouldn't have made it this hard on myself!! So clearly, I snap out of that stuff pretty quick. I've also gotten really interested in my own morals and values. We talk a lot in class about how a person's beliefs shape how they interact with people, and I've really began to dig into what I actually believe in, and this is causing a little bit of internal confusion. I've always felt pretty solid in what I believe, but since I have adopted a more religiously "neutral" outlook on life, I'm not sure where my morals are grounded anymore. There are certain religous rules around love, sex, proper human interaction....just about everything you can think of. But when you start to doubt the religious underpinnings of many rules held by society, you start to wonder what's holding you to these morals. No, this is not me abandoning my morals by any means, but I'm starting to really figure out why I believe in what I believe in. It's kind of this weird morality limbo. It's a strange place to be, but I like figuring it all out.
So with all of that....I'm hoping for big things this year. Usually I don't like to get my hopes up, but I'm thinking, if I don't, what am I living for?! So I'm thinking, maybe this is the year that I will learn how to cook? Maybe this is the year I will find love? Maybe this is the year I will learn to live life to the fullest? Who knows!? But I'm kind of excited to see where it goes. It's already been a pretty great year, just spending time with my friends and my family. I'm hoping it continues.
To wrap up this moderately depressing post, some songs you should be aware of right now: We Found Love, by Boyce Avenue (originally by Rihanna) and My Heart With You, by The Rescues. So. Good. I guess my musical obsession has also gotten me a little more excited about this year. Thank God for music.
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