Resolution

First of all, I really suck at this whole blog thing. I think it's partially because nothing exciting ever happens in my life. That's probably a good thing, but for my blog, not so much. However, I'm not in the mood to keep doing homework, so I'm doing this tonight instead.

In the spirit of the new year, I've made some resolutions....I don't like to do resolutions ever because I really suck on follow through, but in the spirit of self-reflection, I'm gonna do it.

Resolution 1: Stop being such a fatass (and I mean that in the nicest way possible). I honestly don't think of myself as a fatass, but I could lose a few pounds and be a bit healthier. I'm pretty ok with my body. I mean, I'm no Heidi Klum, but I really like my body. I'm proud of my curves and I like the way I look (most days). But I am bigger than I should be for my height, and my eating habits are disgusting. I love macaroni and cheese, I have an unhealthy obsession with Dr. Pepper, and I would pick chocolate over grapes any day. So I'm making changes. I'm working out...legitimately. I've stopped buying soda and I'm trying to do the whole "drink water" thing that everyone is so big on. So we'll see how that goes. I just need to get in shape!

Resolution 2: Take risks. I know you're thinking "really, Sarah. You? Take risks?" Yeah, I get that. Hence the resolution. I need to sometimes pull my head out of my ass, stop playing it safe, and be spontaneous. (side note: every time I say any form of the word "spontaneous" I'm taken back to my 8th grade spelling bee where I couldn't spell the word spontaneity out loud. I still can't. Anyway...) I want to learn to enjoy life, not be so planned out, and start realizing that no matter how well I plan something, something else happens anyway. Live a little, damnit.

Resolution 3: Take care of myself. My program preaches the need of self-care, and I seem to have a problem with that. I don't like to go to sleep at night, I don't eat well (as previously discussed) my apartment is always in shambles, and I feel sick a lot because I'm not taking care of myself. So I'm making it my goal to get things done ahead of time so I don't get so stressed doing last minute stuff. So far, it's been working out pretty well, but the semester is just beginning. I just cleaned my whole apartment and my goal is to not let it get so gross again. I don't like being gross, but sometimes it happens. So, this one could be the game changer. If I start taking care of my things, maybe I'll start taking better care of myself, no? Probably a good philosophy.

Enough of the resolutions. I've been feeling very philosophical lately....sometimes I get in these moods where I just want to figure out the world. Recently, I've been struggling with this weird feeling that this is my world and everyone else is just living in it. That sounds really selfish and that is not what I'm meaning. It's actually kind of lonely. It's weird, like my whole life is this figment of my imagination. But then I think, if that were true, I really wouldn't have made it this hard on myself!! So clearly, I snap out of that stuff pretty quick. I've also gotten really interested in my own morals and values. We talk a lot in class about how a person's beliefs shape how they interact with people, and I've really began to dig into what I actually believe in, and this is causing a little bit of internal confusion. I've always felt pretty solid in what I believe, but since I have adopted a more religiously "neutral" outlook on life, I'm not sure where my morals are grounded anymore. There are certain religous rules around love, sex, proper human interaction....just about everything you can think of. But when you start to doubt the religious underpinnings of many rules held by society, you start to wonder what's holding you to these morals. No, this is not me abandoning my morals by any means, but I'm starting to really figure out why I believe in what I believe in. It's kind of this weird morality limbo. It's a strange place to be, but I like figuring it all out.

So with all of that....I'm hoping for big things this year. Usually I don't like to get my hopes up, but I'm thinking, if I don't, what am I living for?! So I'm thinking, maybe this is the year that I will learn how to cook? Maybe this is the year I will find love? Maybe this is the year I will learn to live life to the fullest? Who knows!? But I'm kind of excited to see where it goes. It's already been a pretty great year, just spending time with my friends and my family. I'm hoping it continues.

To wrap up this moderately depressing post, some songs you should be aware of right now: We Found Love, by Boyce Avenue (originally by Rihanna) and My Heart With You, by The Rescues. So. Good.  I guess my musical obsession has also gotten me a little more excited about this year. Thank God for music.