Twice in one week? I know, too much. But I had some more thoughts about things. First though, my embarrassing story of the day.
Warning. Don't read this paragraph if you get grossed out by things that are a tiny bit gross. Or ears.
So if you've been around me lately, I'm sure you've heard - cause let's face it, I like to bitch about things sometimes - of my weird ear problem where I wake up and I can't hear out of my right ear and how it's because I have sinus stuff. Usually, it goes away in like 10 minutes and I can hear again, but today I woke up and it wouldn't go away. For hours. So I got freaked out that I was going deaf and decided to go to the University Health place to get it looked at and make it go away. Ok. Fast forward four hours. At student health. The doctor is an old man whose first comment is "so you've been shoving beans in your ears, huh?" Ok, doc. I'm 22, almost 23. Not 7. And that was not funny. But I play along because if I need drugs, I want stuff that will actually help me. So I giggle and let him keep telling dumb jokes. Awkward 5 minutes ensues where he asks me my symptoms and I don't really have any besides the fact that I can't hear out of my right ear. So he looks in my ear and is like "there's so much waxy buildup I can't even see your eardrum." Well, that's disgusting. I'm a clean person, that shit doesn't happen to clean people. I guess it does....anyway, he asks if I want them to flush it. Sure! What the hell else am I going to do? So this nurse lady flushes out my ear....no joke. Weirdest thing I've ever had done to me....anyway, all of a sudden I can hear and the lady is like "uh, do you want to see what came out." First reaction: NO! Second reaction: well, if she's asking me, maybe I should. So I do. Freaking part of a q-tip has been shoved in my eardrum for God knows how long. I don't know how it got there. I'm freaking out. First of all, really embarrassed that obnoxious doctor guy is going to have to come back in and I am now suddenly the 7 year old with shit shoved in her ear. Second of all, that's just absolutely disgusting. Walk of shame out of student health commences. What a day. Moral of the story? Don't use q-tips.
Ok, everyone can read again.
So the real reason I wanted to post is because of love. And that is purely because I watched half of the movie Dan in Real Life last night (freaking love that movie), and partially because it's February, and that just means love. Anyway, the whole premise is based on this dorky guy finding love in all of the wrong places. Of course in the end it turns out well, but there's drama. So I'm watching this movie I've seen like 5 times, and some parts still get to me. Like how the hopelessly romantic teenage daughter is obsessed with her boyfriend. Well, dad is not happy about this and sends boyfriend away. Boyfriend says to dad, "Love is not a feeling. It's an ability." Well, first he said it in Spanish, which was really hot because of my obsession with foreign language. But that's beside the point. I was really struck by what he said. Probably every person you ask to define love will say it's some sort of feeling where you blah blah blah.
BUT....what if love isn't really a feeling, just an ability? A skill a person can have, or learn? That almost makes more sense to me. Which I find weird, because I'm a hopeless romantic and would have said the same thing when asked. Love is all about feeling goofy and safe and happy and excited and all of those things. If we think of love as an ability, it makes a lot more sense. Some people just don't have it. Some people suck at love. It's true. I know people that said they've never been in love. Maybe they just weren't born with, or taught, the ability to love. They may have had plenty of happy and wonderful relationships, but never been in love because they just don't know how, or what that even means. I know people who claim they are incapable of being loved. Maybe they don't have that ability, either? But, if love is an ability, that means it can be taught. It is impossible to cause a person to feel in a certain way. People are going to feel what they want to feel, regardless of what someone says. If someone says they can't feel love, maybe it's true, they can't. But what if they could be taught love. I feel more confident teaching someone how to play the piano than I do teaching someone how to feel depressed.
On the other end of the spectrum, love being an ability could be the reason behind the fact that I am really good at it. And by "really good at it" I mean I fall in love all the time. I have no problem being in love. I love to love. I love to be loved. Might as well face it, I'm addicted to love. I don't ever know why, or what it is about my feelings that makes it love, but I know that it is. Which is weird. And after watching The Bachelor tonight, I wonder if maybe those girls aren't just really good at love too. Really bad at sanity and making good choices, but really good at love. Honestly, though, I just think they're all nuts. But, according to this new theory, maybe they're just well trained. If you think of it like that, you could argue that you could train someone to love poorly, in the opposite direction, which could also explain the crazy girls on the bachelor: trained poorly.
I think all people should be able to love and be loved. I don't care how badly you've been hurt in the past, how afraid you are of love, or how much you claim you don't need it. Love is an experience. You need to have it whenever you get the opportunity. Love hard. Love big. I could start quoting (more) cheesy movies but I'm not going to, because that's lame.
Well, that's my ramble on love. Whatever love is, I like it. The end. Oh, funny (not really) story. I went to Chick-fil-a tonight because I was having a massive craving....call it my reward for the ear thing. Anyway, in my bag there was an invitation to Valentine's Day at Chick-fil-a. No joke. They're having a valet. And a photographer. And it's 25 bucks. You better get a whole friggen chicken for that. But, probably beats the plans I will have...stats test and then homework. Lame. Oh well. I'm still not going to be that girl that hates V-day. I really like V-day. Guess it's the hopeless romantic in me. Good hopeless romance song for right now? Make You Feel My Love, by Adele. She is the queen of romance. Now go on, learn to love, or feel love, or just love. Whatever :) And if you think different...let me know. I want to hear!
Oh, and P.S.-Pretty sure my million bottles of water broke the bottom shelf in my fridge. Whoops.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Resolution
First of all, I really suck at this whole blog thing. I think it's partially because nothing exciting ever happens in my life. That's probably a good thing, but for my blog, not so much. However, I'm not in the mood to keep doing homework, so I'm doing this tonight instead.
In the spirit of the new year, I've made some resolutions....I don't like to do resolutions ever because I really suck on follow through, but in the spirit of self-reflection, I'm gonna do it.
Resolution 1: Stop being such a fatass (and I mean that in the nicest way possible). I honestly don't think of myself as a fatass, but I could lose a few pounds and be a bit healthier. I'm pretty ok with my body. I mean, I'm no Heidi Klum, but I really like my body. I'm proud of my curves and I like the way I look (most days). But I am bigger than I should be for my height, and my eating habits are disgusting. I love macaroni and cheese, I have an unhealthy obsession with Dr. Pepper, and I would pick chocolate over grapes any day. So I'm making changes. I'm working out...legitimately. I've stopped buying soda and I'm trying to do the whole "drink water" thing that everyone is so big on. So we'll see how that goes. I just need to get in shape!
Resolution 2: Take risks. I know you're thinking "really, Sarah. You? Take risks?" Yeah, I get that. Hence the resolution. I need to sometimes pull my head out of my ass, stop playing it safe, and be spontaneous. (side note: every time I say any form of the word "spontaneous" I'm taken back to my 8th grade spelling bee where I couldn't spell the word spontaneity out loud. I still can't. Anyway...) I want to learn to enjoy life, not be so planned out, and start realizing that no matter how well I plan something, something else happens anyway. Live a little, damnit.
Resolution 3: Take care of myself. My program preaches the need of self-care, and I seem to have a problem with that. I don't like to go to sleep at night, I don't eat well (as previously discussed) my apartment is always in shambles, and I feel sick a lot because I'm not taking care of myself. So I'm making it my goal to get things done ahead of time so I don't get so stressed doing last minute stuff. So far, it's been working out pretty well, but the semester is just beginning. I just cleaned my whole apartment and my goal is to not let it get so gross again. I don't like being gross, but sometimes it happens. So, this one could be the game changer. If I start taking care of my things, maybe I'll start taking better care of myself, no? Probably a good philosophy.
Enough of the resolutions. I've been feeling very philosophical lately....sometimes I get in these moods where I just want to figure out the world. Recently, I've been struggling with this weird feeling that this is my world and everyone else is just living in it. That sounds really selfish and that is not what I'm meaning. It's actually kind of lonely. It's weird, like my whole life is this figment of my imagination. But then I think, if that were true, I really wouldn't have made it this hard on myself!! So clearly, I snap out of that stuff pretty quick. I've also gotten really interested in my own morals and values. We talk a lot in class about how a person's beliefs shape how they interact with people, and I've really began to dig into what I actually believe in, and this is causing a little bit of internal confusion. I've always felt pretty solid in what I believe, but since I have adopted a more religiously "neutral" outlook on life, I'm not sure where my morals are grounded anymore. There are certain religous rules around love, sex, proper human interaction....just about everything you can think of. But when you start to doubt the religious underpinnings of many rules held by society, you start to wonder what's holding you to these morals. No, this is not me abandoning my morals by any means, but I'm starting to really figure out why I believe in what I believe in. It's kind of this weird morality limbo. It's a strange place to be, but I like figuring it all out.
So with all of that....I'm hoping for big things this year. Usually I don't like to get my hopes up, but I'm thinking, if I don't, what am I living for?! So I'm thinking, maybe this is the year that I will learn how to cook? Maybe this is the year I will find love? Maybe this is the year I will learn to live life to the fullest? Who knows!? But I'm kind of excited to see where it goes. It's already been a pretty great year, just spending time with my friends and my family. I'm hoping it continues.
To wrap up this moderately depressing post, some songs you should be aware of right now: We Found Love, by Boyce Avenue (originally by Rihanna) and My Heart With You, by The Rescues. So. Good. I guess my musical obsession has also gotten me a little more excited about this year. Thank God for music.
In the spirit of the new year, I've made some resolutions....I don't like to do resolutions ever because I really suck on follow through, but in the spirit of self-reflection, I'm gonna do it.
Resolution 1: Stop being such a fatass (and I mean that in the nicest way possible). I honestly don't think of myself as a fatass, but I could lose a few pounds and be a bit healthier. I'm pretty ok with my body. I mean, I'm no Heidi Klum, but I really like my body. I'm proud of my curves and I like the way I look (most days). But I am bigger than I should be for my height, and my eating habits are disgusting. I love macaroni and cheese, I have an unhealthy obsession with Dr. Pepper, and I would pick chocolate over grapes any day. So I'm making changes. I'm working out...legitimately. I've stopped buying soda and I'm trying to do the whole "drink water" thing that everyone is so big on. So we'll see how that goes. I just need to get in shape!
Resolution 2: Take risks. I know you're thinking "really, Sarah. You? Take risks?" Yeah, I get that. Hence the resolution. I need to sometimes pull my head out of my ass, stop playing it safe, and be spontaneous. (side note: every time I say any form of the word "spontaneous" I'm taken back to my 8th grade spelling bee where I couldn't spell the word spontaneity out loud. I still can't. Anyway...) I want to learn to enjoy life, not be so planned out, and start realizing that no matter how well I plan something, something else happens anyway. Live a little, damnit.
Resolution 3: Take care of myself. My program preaches the need of self-care, and I seem to have a problem with that. I don't like to go to sleep at night, I don't eat well (as previously discussed) my apartment is always in shambles, and I feel sick a lot because I'm not taking care of myself. So I'm making it my goal to get things done ahead of time so I don't get so stressed doing last minute stuff. So far, it's been working out pretty well, but the semester is just beginning. I just cleaned my whole apartment and my goal is to not let it get so gross again. I don't like being gross, but sometimes it happens. So, this one could be the game changer. If I start taking care of my things, maybe I'll start taking better care of myself, no? Probably a good philosophy.
Enough of the resolutions. I've been feeling very philosophical lately....sometimes I get in these moods where I just want to figure out the world. Recently, I've been struggling with this weird feeling that this is my world and everyone else is just living in it. That sounds really selfish and that is not what I'm meaning. It's actually kind of lonely. It's weird, like my whole life is this figment of my imagination. But then I think, if that were true, I really wouldn't have made it this hard on myself!! So clearly, I snap out of that stuff pretty quick. I've also gotten really interested in my own morals and values. We talk a lot in class about how a person's beliefs shape how they interact with people, and I've really began to dig into what I actually believe in, and this is causing a little bit of internal confusion. I've always felt pretty solid in what I believe, but since I have adopted a more religiously "neutral" outlook on life, I'm not sure where my morals are grounded anymore. There are certain religous rules around love, sex, proper human interaction....just about everything you can think of. But when you start to doubt the religious underpinnings of many rules held by society, you start to wonder what's holding you to these morals. No, this is not me abandoning my morals by any means, but I'm starting to really figure out why I believe in what I believe in. It's kind of this weird morality limbo. It's a strange place to be, but I like figuring it all out.
So with all of that....I'm hoping for big things this year. Usually I don't like to get my hopes up, but I'm thinking, if I don't, what am I living for?! So I'm thinking, maybe this is the year that I will learn how to cook? Maybe this is the year I will find love? Maybe this is the year I will learn to live life to the fullest? Who knows!? But I'm kind of excited to see where it goes. It's already been a pretty great year, just spending time with my friends and my family. I'm hoping it continues.
To wrap up this moderately depressing post, some songs you should be aware of right now: We Found Love, by Boyce Avenue (originally by Rihanna) and My Heart With You, by The Rescues. So. Good. I guess my musical obsession has also gotten me a little more excited about this year. Thank God for music.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Tough Love
I can't believe how weird free time feels. And how little I remember how to handle it. The sleeping in part I was ok with, then I ran errands which was awesome (oil change, campus, old navy - I saved $105 today, my receipt told me. Pretty big win!), and then I got home and got BORED. I cleaned the apartment, caught up on some stuff on the DVR, read a Cosmo, tried to cook red beans and rice and sausage - complete fail, I couldn't figure out how to cook sausage, the rice was crunchy....gross, but it wasted an hour - I even did tons of sit ups and push ups to kill time, and then I ran out of things to occupy my time. Now I'm marathoning Tough Love from VH1, for one because I think the host is cute and right some of the time and seems to know cute guys; and two, because I wish someone would slap me in the face with things I need to work on about myself sometimes!
As I say that, I realize that in this program, I am having to become more aware of myself, my family, my shortcomings, and my strengths than I ever have before. Talking about certain parts of my past have brought back some really dark memories and some bad times, and I've been in kind of a bad place for the past week or so. I'm definitely getting better, but I hate going back there. I'm so proud of who I am today, and I know I wouldn't be here without all of the parts of my past, I just hate thinking about it. But, if I'm going to survive in this program (read: life) I'm going to have to figure out how to be in those places and work with it and recognize who I've been and how that helps who I am. I've always felt that I've known who I am, but I think being here - away from my family and the things and places I know - has really solidified these ideas. But I'm learning to incorporate those things that I don't like about myself and figuring out how to accept them and possibly change/make them work for me. I mean, seriously, I'm a weirdo. I'm loud. I don't eat the crust of my pizza. I apologize way too much, mostly due to my fear of rejection, but also because I don't want to hurt people. I love quickly, unapologetically, and hard. I really like things to go my way, and being right (only child syndrome?), but I'm really learning quickly to get over that shit. I'm a hopeless romantic. I love scary movies. I'm afraid of letting go and being out of control. I hate repetitive noises. I'm a terrible cook, but a pretty good baker. I overshare...about everything. I am not good at lying. And if you add those last two together, you could find out some really awkward things about me if you tried :)
Ok, I know all of that sounded like an Alanis Morissette song, but it's my blog so deal with it. But really, one of the biggest things I've learned about myself recently is that I am strong. I am a strong, independent woman. I am determined, and I really can do anything I set my mind to, and I have. There's a lot of things that scare me, and half of the time I feel incompetent, but I've done a lot and I just have to keep trying. And I need to figure out how to make all of this weirdness work for me. And I will. Luckily, I've found people here that support me. People that I've only known for three months but who have shown me unconditional love and support and it's been amazing. These people have helped me remember that I don't need to dwell in the past, but to realize where it has gotten me...and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'm incredibly thankful for these people, this program, this time and place.
Speaking of Thanksgiving...literally three days from now I will be laying in my bed in my mom's house, all of my best friends will be in the same city for a very brief time. Since all of my shitty papers are done, I can finally get excited and now I can't stop thinking about just how excited I am to be with the people I love the most in this world. I am not excited to spend 16 hours in the car, but I am excited that I get company for like 11 of those hours! I'm hoping for an excuse to wear the hot new jeans I bought with some hooker shoes, but who knows where this weekend will take me. Likely, I will just end up in sweatpants with the basement club, and the hot jeans and hooker shoes will have to wait until I'm back in Stillwater, and that will be alright. I just want to be in Omaha for a little bit. Eat some Pepperjax. Cuddle with my cat. Hug the crap out of some people. Even writing about it is making me far too pumped to want to do anything productive the next few days. But I will, cause I have to.
Anyway, that was a lot of my brain just going nuts...some dumb thoughts to end this post with: I finally got an OSU sticker to put on my car....now it is kind of official that I go here. Also, the light right outside of my front door, which is solar and turns on/off whenever it wants to, is now flickering - murder house style - so every time I come home at night I'm afraid I'm going to get knifed in slow-motion. Blame the scary movies. Song(s) I'm currently obsessed with: Actually, any song by Cory Chisel and the Wandering Sons. Just youtube him. He's so sexy. Plus, the songs are incredible. Also, now that I have a CD player in my car, I'm willing to accept mix CDs as bribes for just about anything. Happy Thanksgiving!
As I say that, I realize that in this program, I am having to become more aware of myself, my family, my shortcomings, and my strengths than I ever have before. Talking about certain parts of my past have brought back some really dark memories and some bad times, and I've been in kind of a bad place for the past week or so. I'm definitely getting better, but I hate going back there. I'm so proud of who I am today, and I know I wouldn't be here without all of the parts of my past, I just hate thinking about it. But, if I'm going to survive in this program (read: life) I'm going to have to figure out how to be in those places and work with it and recognize who I've been and how that helps who I am. I've always felt that I've known who I am, but I think being here - away from my family and the things and places I know - has really solidified these ideas. But I'm learning to incorporate those things that I don't like about myself and figuring out how to accept them and possibly change/make them work for me. I mean, seriously, I'm a weirdo. I'm loud. I don't eat the crust of my pizza. I apologize way too much, mostly due to my fear of rejection, but also because I don't want to hurt people. I love quickly, unapologetically, and hard. I really like things to go my way, and being right (only child syndrome?), but I'm really learning quickly to get over that shit. I'm a hopeless romantic. I love scary movies. I'm afraid of letting go and being out of control. I hate repetitive noises. I'm a terrible cook, but a pretty good baker. I overshare...about everything. I am not good at lying. And if you add those last two together, you could find out some really awkward things about me if you tried :)
Ok, I know all of that sounded like an Alanis Morissette song, but it's my blog so deal with it. But really, one of the biggest things I've learned about myself recently is that I am strong. I am a strong, independent woman. I am determined, and I really can do anything I set my mind to, and I have. There's a lot of things that scare me, and half of the time I feel incompetent, but I've done a lot and I just have to keep trying. And I need to figure out how to make all of this weirdness work for me. And I will. Luckily, I've found people here that support me. People that I've only known for three months but who have shown me unconditional love and support and it's been amazing. These people have helped me remember that I don't need to dwell in the past, but to realize where it has gotten me...and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'm incredibly thankful for these people, this program, this time and place.
Speaking of Thanksgiving...literally three days from now I will be laying in my bed in my mom's house, all of my best friends will be in the same city for a very brief time. Since all of my shitty papers are done, I can finally get excited and now I can't stop thinking about just how excited I am to be with the people I love the most in this world. I am not excited to spend 16 hours in the car, but I am excited that I get company for like 11 of those hours! I'm hoping for an excuse to wear the hot new jeans I bought with some hooker shoes, but who knows where this weekend will take me. Likely, I will just end up in sweatpants with the basement club, and the hot jeans and hooker shoes will have to wait until I'm back in Stillwater, and that will be alright. I just want to be in Omaha for a little bit. Eat some Pepperjax. Cuddle with my cat. Hug the crap out of some people. Even writing about it is making me far too pumped to want to do anything productive the next few days. But I will, cause I have to.
Anyway, that was a lot of my brain just going nuts...some dumb thoughts to end this post with: I finally got an OSU sticker to put on my car....now it is kind of official that I go here. Also, the light right outside of my front door, which is solar and turns on/off whenever it wants to, is now flickering - murder house style - so every time I come home at night I'm afraid I'm going to get knifed in slow-motion. Blame the scary movies. Song(s) I'm currently obsessed with: Actually, any song by Cory Chisel and the Wandering Sons. Just youtube him. He's so sexy. Plus, the songs are incredible. Also, now that I have a CD player in my car, I'm willing to accept mix CDs as bribes for just about anything. Happy Thanksgiving!
Monday, November 7, 2011
It's Been A Long Time Since I Came Around
So I haven't blogged in like a month. Whoops. School got hard, what can I say?!
Things are getting better here in Stilly. I actually hung out with people every day this weekend (meaning Thursday-Sunday) which was so great for my brain, but terrible for my studies. Again, whoops. But I don't care. I had a much better time sitting in a hot tub drinking wine with friends than I ever would have reading about theory or something else that I don't care so much about, so I'm really not even mad that I'm terribly behind now. I may rethink that by the end of the week, but for now, I'm good. And, it's really great to have the worst week of the semester under my belt...however, I get my first grad school test back tomorrow (er, today) and that could completely change my outlook. But again, I'm going to sit in this moment and relish in my awesome weekend.
Speaking of this weekend, I experienced my first two earthquakes here...what the hell? I know Oklahoma is all about tornadoes and heat and I was prepared for that-Nebraska has the same problems-but who the hell associates Oklahoma with earthquakes? Weird. I guess I can say that I've actually been in a tornado AND an earthquake now, I just need a hurricane to complete the trifecta of natural disasters. This weekend I also pretended to be an OSU fan...watched the ENTIRE game, and it was incredible, mostly because of how terribly we were playing. But I watched, I wore orange, and we won, and I had a good time with friends, so chalk one up to school spirit.
As for tonight, I got to spend some good time with my family in the city (also, I think it's lame that people here call Oklahoma City "the city," I wonder if people do that about Omaha...I doubt it) which was incredible. Sometimes, you just need some home cooking and some happy family and baby-smelling babies to make you feel all good inside. Besides that, though, I got to spend 2 hours in the car jamming to music, which is always good for the soul. And I've kicked some serious Suzie Homemaker ass tonight...did 4 loads of laundry, got it ALL folded and put away, which never happens...did a little cleaning, watched Grey's Anatomy...pretty solid Sunday night, except for the fact that it's 2:15 in the morning and there's no sign of me going to bed anytime soon.
My big letdown of the weekend is that someone cracked my bumper on my car. I don't know if it was at school or Walmart, but someone broke my car (more than it's already broken) which blows. I hope it doesn't fall off when I'm driving home in a few weeks. But, to compensate, I got the CD player installed, so for the first time in like 6 years of owning this car, I can actually play a medium of music that was created in the last 20 years, instead of the cassettes I was relying on before the cassette player broke!!! Such a win (thanks, Dad, for finding the unit!) Nothing will come between me and my music anymore....sorry to all drivers that will have to watch me hardcore car dance. And I got a table! No more random table frame sitting in my dining area....my cousin and his wife are letting me borrow a sweet high table and 4 chairs that they aren't using, and I am so excited!
More good news....my upstairs neighbors have finally shut the hell up. It's been so weird not having my walls shake from the bass and being able to sleep at night...I am so excited. Now, the big problem is that the neighbors all around smoke and my apartment smells like a bar all the time, no matter how many smelly things I have around the apartment. There isn't enough febreeze in the world to deal with this. Gross. But, I can sleep, so I'll take what I can get....
Besides all of that, my life is SUPER lame. I feel like all I do is read or write papers, and that blows. I'm really burnt out of this whole "being a student" thing, but I guess I have to keep sucking it up and reminding myself that this is actually what I want to do. I'm forcing myself to do things with people outside of school, because I desperately need that to keep any semblance of sanity. So far it's working for me pretty well :) Probably happier this weekend than I have been in ages, so I'm going to keep it up!
As for the current song I'm obsessed with: Here Comes The Sun Again, by M. Ward. I'm pretty sure I got this from some car commercial, then had to youtube stalk to figure out what it was, but I really like it!
Things are getting better here in Stilly. I actually hung out with people every day this weekend (meaning Thursday-Sunday) which was so great for my brain, but terrible for my studies. Again, whoops. But I don't care. I had a much better time sitting in a hot tub drinking wine with friends than I ever would have reading about theory or something else that I don't care so much about, so I'm really not even mad that I'm terribly behind now. I may rethink that by the end of the week, but for now, I'm good. And, it's really great to have the worst week of the semester under my belt...however, I get my first grad school test back tomorrow (er, today) and that could completely change my outlook. But again, I'm going to sit in this moment and relish in my awesome weekend.
Speaking of this weekend, I experienced my first two earthquakes here...what the hell? I know Oklahoma is all about tornadoes and heat and I was prepared for that-Nebraska has the same problems-but who the hell associates Oklahoma with earthquakes? Weird. I guess I can say that I've actually been in a tornado AND an earthquake now, I just need a hurricane to complete the trifecta of natural disasters. This weekend I also pretended to be an OSU fan...watched the ENTIRE game, and it was incredible, mostly because of how terribly we were playing. But I watched, I wore orange, and we won, and I had a good time with friends, so chalk one up to school spirit.
As for tonight, I got to spend some good time with my family in the city (also, I think it's lame that people here call Oklahoma City "the city," I wonder if people do that about Omaha...I doubt it) which was incredible. Sometimes, you just need some home cooking and some happy family and baby-smelling babies to make you feel all good inside. Besides that, though, I got to spend 2 hours in the car jamming to music, which is always good for the soul. And I've kicked some serious Suzie Homemaker ass tonight...did 4 loads of laundry, got it ALL folded and put away, which never happens...did a little cleaning, watched Grey's Anatomy...pretty solid Sunday night, except for the fact that it's 2:15 in the morning and there's no sign of me going to bed anytime soon.
My big letdown of the weekend is that someone cracked my bumper on my car. I don't know if it was at school or Walmart, but someone broke my car (more than it's already broken) which blows. I hope it doesn't fall off when I'm driving home in a few weeks. But, to compensate, I got the CD player installed, so for the first time in like 6 years of owning this car, I can actually play a medium of music that was created in the last 20 years, instead of the cassettes I was relying on before the cassette player broke!!! Such a win (thanks, Dad, for finding the unit!) Nothing will come between me and my music anymore....sorry to all drivers that will have to watch me hardcore car dance. And I got a table! No more random table frame sitting in my dining area....my cousin and his wife are letting me borrow a sweet high table and 4 chairs that they aren't using, and I am so excited!
More good news....my upstairs neighbors have finally shut the hell up. It's been so weird not having my walls shake from the bass and being able to sleep at night...I am so excited. Now, the big problem is that the neighbors all around smoke and my apartment smells like a bar all the time, no matter how many smelly things I have around the apartment. There isn't enough febreeze in the world to deal with this. Gross. But, I can sleep, so I'll take what I can get....
Besides all of that, my life is SUPER lame. I feel like all I do is read or write papers, and that blows. I'm really burnt out of this whole "being a student" thing, but I guess I have to keep sucking it up and reminding myself that this is actually what I want to do. I'm forcing myself to do things with people outside of school, because I desperately need that to keep any semblance of sanity. So far it's working for me pretty well :) Probably happier this weekend than I have been in ages, so I'm going to keep it up!
As for the current song I'm obsessed with: Here Comes The Sun Again, by M. Ward. I'm pretty sure I got this from some car commercial, then had to youtube stalk to figure out what it was, but I really like it!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Wasting Time
I love days where you find out you have so much more free time than you planned on. I'm a very scheduled person (I know, who would have thought that, right?), so I like to know exactly what I'll be doing that day when I wake up. Spontaneity is not my friend. I'm working on it, but let's just say grad school is definitely sucking the little amount of spontaneous-ness that I have right out of me. I thought we were going to be assessed on skills in my Tuesday class, and the girls were talking about getting together to practice tonight (which is way fun, because we're ridiculous, but still something I have to be at, which stresses me out). Find out during class that it's been postponed until next week, so that means our practice session is postponed too. Long story short - yeah, right - I got my entire evening to myself. Did I get ahead on homework? No. Did I start grading the 120 papers I need to grade by October 22nd? No. But was I productive? Oh, yes. Not only did I go to Payless and find a pair of clearance shoes they were out of in Omaha, I went to the gas station to clean the bug graveyard off my windshield, I painted my nails, I balanced all 3 of my checkbooks, I filed away a bunch of paperwork, and I watched tons of trashy television (best stress reliever ever). Yes, I did do my reading for my morning class, so I feel slightly accomplished, but this was really a waste of a night. But it was a wonderful waste, and I still feel like I got shit done. And now I'm blogging. Another semi-productive waste of my time!
I got to go home this weekend for like 2 seconds, which was amazing. I loved being able to be in my house and not have to check for spiders any time I enter a room or pray that my upstairs neighbors will be considerate (which, update, they've been pretty good lately - knock on wood). I loved spending quality time with my mom and dad, and a couple of my friends. I loved not doing a single ounce of homework, spending an entire day in pajamas and laughing until I (almost) pee my pants with part of the basement club. I didn't like not being able to see very many people, because the 2 seconds I was home was jam packed already, and I didn't like that I felt like I was in the car almost as long as I went home. But it was incredible to be with family, and I can't wait until my next chance to be in the big O (probably Thanksgiving...lame.).
Stillwater is definitely improving. I have had some experiences that are making me rethink the people here, which makes me very happy. For instance, one guy at school, a middle-aged man, saw me almost get hit by a pickup truck in the close parking lot - and if you don't go to OSU, you really want a spot in the close lot, let me tell you - and he led me to where his car was parked, blocked all of the other people trying to get his spot, and let me have it. It was incredible. I've never seen anything like it. I would have KILLED for that to happen at Creighton in the McGloin lot in the morning....seriously. Such a beautiful parking moment. Thanks, old man, I appreciate it.
Another awesome moment: Thor was making noises, ones unusual for him to make. Like it was scaring me. Basically, I thought the engine was falling out or something. So I called the Honda dealership (which, by the way is run by some old OSU football player that everyone knows when I mention his name. Barry Sanders, if you're curious) and they wanted me to pay $45 just to have it looked at, so I called and cancelled that appointment. Well, one of the sales managers called me back to try to get me to keep the appointment, and I decided to take it in hoping that they could fix it. Well, they looked at it, fixed the little part that was messed up and didn't charge me anything. Incredible. So, the locals are growing on me, and helping me grow to love this little town. Driving is still terrifying half of the time, but I'm just going to chalk that up to college students. Score 1 for Stillwater.
Trying to be an OSU fan is hard. I'm all about school spirit (also, another surprise for anyone that knows me?), but it's hard when I'm really tied to my program but still don't know how I feel about OSU. I did stay up and watch the majority of the 9pm kickoff game that was delayed and didn't start until after midnight, but I had to quit at about 3am. But that makes me a fan, right? And I caught the last 2 minutes of the game this weekend on TV at home, so I'm getting there? AND I wore my OSU shirt in Omaha. So hopefully I'll start feeling the cowboy pride. Maybe I'll even get a sticker for my car....we'll see.
U of Oregon finally posted the cohort list for the MFT program, which I have been stalking since I decided to go to OSU. I just want to see who I would be in classes with and know what happened to the people I interviewed with, and they post pictures of the entire class. Well, last night they finally posted it, and I wasn't even that upset. It was really bizarre. I mean, everyone that I had talked to that day and really liked are in the program, but I didn't even feel like I was missing out on it anymore. It's kind of weird. Maybe I'm finally getting closure on that whole choice. I really love the program I'm in. It's hard as balls, don't get me wrong, and I'm pretty sure Oregon would have been easier, but I know I'm at one of the best MFT programs there is, and that makes me feel great. I LOVE my cohort...they really are some amazing women. I know I can get through this program and I know it's partially because of the relationships I'm already forming with them and the people in my program. I feel like I'm really benefitting from the smaller program, and I DEFINITELY would not have had the same experience at a program about twice to three times the size. So, someday I will move to the Pacific Northwest. But I think I made the right decision about grad school and my education, and that's pretty satisfying.
I get to spend the majority of my weekend grading papers, so there will likely be another blog post from me soon. For now, some songs that I am obsessed with: Keep Asking: Citizen Cope (Thanks, Kitzi!!) and Tennessee: Cory Chisel and the Wandering Sons. Your ears will thank me. Just be glad it's not me jamming out to them in my car like I was this weekend!
I got to go home this weekend for like 2 seconds, which was amazing. I loved being able to be in my house and not have to check for spiders any time I enter a room or pray that my upstairs neighbors will be considerate (which, update, they've been pretty good lately - knock on wood). I loved spending quality time with my mom and dad, and a couple of my friends. I loved not doing a single ounce of homework, spending an entire day in pajamas and laughing until I (almost) pee my pants with part of the basement club. I didn't like not being able to see very many people, because the 2 seconds I was home was jam packed already, and I didn't like that I felt like I was in the car almost as long as I went home. But it was incredible to be with family, and I can't wait until my next chance to be in the big O (probably Thanksgiving...lame.).
Stillwater is definitely improving. I have had some experiences that are making me rethink the people here, which makes me very happy. For instance, one guy at school, a middle-aged man, saw me almost get hit by a pickup truck in the close parking lot - and if you don't go to OSU, you really want a spot in the close lot, let me tell you - and he led me to where his car was parked, blocked all of the other people trying to get his spot, and let me have it. It was incredible. I've never seen anything like it. I would have KILLED for that to happen at Creighton in the McGloin lot in the morning....seriously. Such a beautiful parking moment. Thanks, old man, I appreciate it.
Another awesome moment: Thor was making noises, ones unusual for him to make. Like it was scaring me. Basically, I thought the engine was falling out or something. So I called the Honda dealership (which, by the way is run by some old OSU football player that everyone knows when I mention his name. Barry Sanders, if you're curious) and they wanted me to pay $45 just to have it looked at, so I called and cancelled that appointment. Well, one of the sales managers called me back to try to get me to keep the appointment, and I decided to take it in hoping that they could fix it. Well, they looked at it, fixed the little part that was messed up and didn't charge me anything. Incredible. So, the locals are growing on me, and helping me grow to love this little town. Driving is still terrifying half of the time, but I'm just going to chalk that up to college students. Score 1 for Stillwater.
Trying to be an OSU fan is hard. I'm all about school spirit (also, another surprise for anyone that knows me?), but it's hard when I'm really tied to my program but still don't know how I feel about OSU. I did stay up and watch the majority of the 9pm kickoff game that was delayed and didn't start until after midnight, but I had to quit at about 3am. But that makes me a fan, right? And I caught the last 2 minutes of the game this weekend on TV at home, so I'm getting there? AND I wore my OSU shirt in Omaha. So hopefully I'll start feeling the cowboy pride. Maybe I'll even get a sticker for my car....we'll see.
U of Oregon finally posted the cohort list for the MFT program, which I have been stalking since I decided to go to OSU. I just want to see who I would be in classes with and know what happened to the people I interviewed with, and they post pictures of the entire class. Well, last night they finally posted it, and I wasn't even that upset. It was really bizarre. I mean, everyone that I had talked to that day and really liked are in the program, but I didn't even feel like I was missing out on it anymore. It's kind of weird. Maybe I'm finally getting closure on that whole choice. I really love the program I'm in. It's hard as balls, don't get me wrong, and I'm pretty sure Oregon would have been easier, but I know I'm at one of the best MFT programs there is, and that makes me feel great. I LOVE my cohort...they really are some amazing women. I know I can get through this program and I know it's partially because of the relationships I'm already forming with them and the people in my program. I feel like I'm really benefitting from the smaller program, and I DEFINITELY would not have had the same experience at a program about twice to three times the size. So, someday I will move to the Pacific Northwest. But I think I made the right decision about grad school and my education, and that's pretty satisfying.
I get to spend the majority of my weekend grading papers, so there will likely be another blog post from me soon. For now, some songs that I am obsessed with: Keep Asking: Citizen Cope (Thanks, Kitzi!!) and Tennessee: Cory Chisel and the Wandering Sons. Your ears will thank me. Just be glad it's not me jamming out to them in my car like I was this weekend!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Hi Ya'll
I've decided that my new goal in Oklahoma is to get a Southern accent. I've always loved them, and I will totally fit in if I get one. They are just so cute. Boys with southern accents are cuter. Girls with southern accents are cuter. I'm jealous. Maybe it'll be like Paris and they will think my "American" accent is cute? I doubt it, but until I can latch on to the southern drawl, it's all I've got to hope for! And it's now socially acceptable for me to say ya'll. I've been saying that for years anyway and I've been made fun of for just as long because no one in Omaha says ya'll, but everyone does down here! Maybe that means I'm heading in the right direction...
Also, I can't hate my upstairs neighbors any more (I say that and realize that I've probably just asked for it). I actually had to call on Friday night at 1am because they were playing LMFAO so loud that it was shaking my walls. I stepped outside and it sounded like they were playing it from a loudspeaker. And I understand it was a Friday, but really, be considerate. I don't know how none of the rest of the neighbors have said anything - well, I guess I don't know if they have or not - but nothing has happened. And it constantly sounds like they are moving furniture. I have a feeling it's something super lame, like they're playing their x-box all the time with the volume full blast. I may have to go to the landlord soon. It's literally all hours of the day and night. Kill me.
I'm getting really excited about the possibility of coming home soon....even for just a short time. I miss my family, and this whole being alone thing is harder than I anticipated. So fingers crossed that all works out and I don't have to change my plans (and that Thor doesn't break down...he's making some scary noises lately and I don't like it). I just want to be in Omaha. At least for a little bit.
I'm FINALLY almost done unpacking, like legitimately...no more throwing random shit in random boxes and shoving it in my closet. It feels good to have a floor again, and to have everything in its place. I really hate the mess, but I've been so busy doing dumb homework (that I should be doing right now) that being a normal human being has fallen by the wayside. Hopefully my next post can be pictures of my place!
I am currently obsessed with the song Please Don't Leave Quite Yet - Adam Agin....I should blare that so the losers upstairs can understand what I'm going through (except it's not really a blaring kind of song). I'll have to work on that :)
Also, I can't hate my upstairs neighbors any more (I say that and realize that I've probably just asked for it). I actually had to call on Friday night at 1am because they were playing LMFAO so loud that it was shaking my walls. I stepped outside and it sounded like they were playing it from a loudspeaker. And I understand it was a Friday, but really, be considerate. I don't know how none of the rest of the neighbors have said anything - well, I guess I don't know if they have or not - but nothing has happened. And it constantly sounds like they are moving furniture. I have a feeling it's something super lame, like they're playing their x-box all the time with the volume full blast. I may have to go to the landlord soon. It's literally all hours of the day and night. Kill me.
I'm getting really excited about the possibility of coming home soon....even for just a short time. I miss my family, and this whole being alone thing is harder than I anticipated. So fingers crossed that all works out and I don't have to change my plans (and that Thor doesn't break down...he's making some scary noises lately and I don't like it). I just want to be in Omaha. At least for a little bit.
I'm FINALLY almost done unpacking, like legitimately...no more throwing random shit in random boxes and shoving it in my closet. It feels good to have a floor again, and to have everything in its place. I really hate the mess, but I've been so busy doing dumb homework (that I should be doing right now) that being a normal human being has fallen by the wayside. Hopefully my next post can be pictures of my place!
I am currently obsessed with the song Please Don't Leave Quite Yet - Adam Agin....I should blare that so the losers upstairs can understand what I'm going through (except it's not really a blaring kind of song). I'll have to work on that :)
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Homesick
I'm sitting alone in my living room, STILL trying to finish unpacking....so instead of doing that, I decided to start a blog. Makes total sense, no?
To get you up to speed, I moved to Stillwater, Oklahoma almost a month ago. I know approximately 12 people, all of whom are in my graduate program, which means that my world is pretty small at this point. It's definitely challenging to meet people you aren't in class with when you're reading 6 days a week, so I still don't think I've found my place in this city, which is weird. And Stillwater is a definite change of pace for me. It's a total small town, which is not what I'm used to. Everyone drives pickup trucks (my Civic looks slightly out of place), and everyone is terrible at driving (No offense). I'm still trying to get over my fear of turning left - Thanks, Dodge Street - and people aren't as friendly here as they are in Omaha. And my upstairs neighbor is extremely annoying. I don't know what they could be dropping ALL THE TIME, but I'm getting used to it. And worst of all, there is NO TARGET. I'm serious.
But Stillwater does have its good points, more of which I'm still hoping to find. There are about 7 Sonics; the first one ever is actually like 3 minutes from my apartment. Actually, basically everything is like 3 minutes from my apartment, which is a great perk that I wasn't expecting. And the Eskimo Joe's restaurant franchise. There's 3 different versions (regular, Italian, Mexican), but all of them let you keep your big plastic cups when you buy a soda. And if you understand my obsession with big plastic cups, you know how big of a score this is for me! Then there is the fact that everywhere I've been, they ask me if I want a soda to go. Like they will bring you a Styrofoam cup of soda for the road. Incredible.
My apartment is beginning to feel like home. It's starting to come together little by little, and it's definitely helping me relax knowing that there isn't much more to do. The only necessary things I feel that I still need are the top of my kitchen table (long story), some more artwork for the walls, and curtains. But other than that, everything is in place and (almost) organized. I can't wait until I start getting paid so I can begin to find the little knick-knacks to fill the empty spaces. I just bought a bookshelf to store all of the binders I had to buy to hold all of the readings I have to do, but two shelves are empty and screaming for cute things to fill them, so I'll have to work on that. Hopefully next month I can work on some of that stuff, which is the best part about moving to a new place: filling all the blank spaces!
Anyway, I'm starting to get really homesick. I just miss all my family and friends. Thank God for skype, it has literally saved me. I get to see my mom all the time, and see my house, it's almost like I'm still there. I get to talk to my dad a lot more than we would have talked on the phone. I get to see my best friends like they are right in my room. It's indescribable. But it just makes me wish they were here with me, and when we hang up, I'm back to my lonesome self. But, I'm so happy that I have good enough friends that want to chat with me even though I have nothing exciting to say, and such a supportive family. Honestly, though, I really can't wait to be in sweatpants, sitting on the couch in the basement with my mom, laughing our asses off because we're just that ridiculous. I can't wait to see my kitty and have her ignore me three minutes later. I can't wait to just feel that "home" feeling that I haven't gotten here yet. I still feel like a visitor. But hopefully soon, that will begin to change.
Tomorrow I get to go to OKC (the big city....) and visit my family! I couldn't be more excited to get this taste of home and family that I've been missing the past few weeks. It really is a blessing to have family about an hour away, so even though I'm stranded in the middle of nowhere, there is that feeling of comfort within arms reach. I don't know what I would have done in Oregon, being completely on my own....maybe someday, but I'm not totally ready for that yet. This is scary enough! Thank goodness for labor day weekend.
That's enough for my first blog post. I hope that at some point, I have more interesting things to write about, but I'll get there. And for your information, I tried to reduce the extreme amount of ellipses that I often use while writing. However, I found that to compensate, I used quite a few parenthises. Oh well, you win some, you lose some. To leave on a happier note, a song that I am obsessed with right now: Unfold - Jason Mraz. :) Happy listening!
To get you up to speed, I moved to Stillwater, Oklahoma almost a month ago. I know approximately 12 people, all of whom are in my graduate program, which means that my world is pretty small at this point. It's definitely challenging to meet people you aren't in class with when you're reading 6 days a week, so I still don't think I've found my place in this city, which is weird. And Stillwater is a definite change of pace for me. It's a total small town, which is not what I'm used to. Everyone drives pickup trucks (my Civic looks slightly out of place), and everyone is terrible at driving (No offense). I'm still trying to get over my fear of turning left - Thanks, Dodge Street - and people aren't as friendly here as they are in Omaha. And my upstairs neighbor is extremely annoying. I don't know what they could be dropping ALL THE TIME, but I'm getting used to it. And worst of all, there is NO TARGET. I'm serious.
But Stillwater does have its good points, more of which I'm still hoping to find. There are about 7 Sonics; the first one ever is actually like 3 minutes from my apartment. Actually, basically everything is like 3 minutes from my apartment, which is a great perk that I wasn't expecting. And the Eskimo Joe's restaurant franchise. There's 3 different versions (regular, Italian, Mexican), but all of them let you keep your big plastic cups when you buy a soda. And if you understand my obsession with big plastic cups, you know how big of a score this is for me! Then there is the fact that everywhere I've been, they ask me if I want a soda to go. Like they will bring you a Styrofoam cup of soda for the road. Incredible.
My apartment is beginning to feel like home. It's starting to come together little by little, and it's definitely helping me relax knowing that there isn't much more to do. The only necessary things I feel that I still need are the top of my kitchen table (long story), some more artwork for the walls, and curtains. But other than that, everything is in place and (almost) organized. I can't wait until I start getting paid so I can begin to find the little knick-knacks to fill the empty spaces. I just bought a bookshelf to store all of the binders I had to buy to hold all of the readings I have to do, but two shelves are empty and screaming for cute things to fill them, so I'll have to work on that. Hopefully next month I can work on some of that stuff, which is the best part about moving to a new place: filling all the blank spaces!
Anyway, I'm starting to get really homesick. I just miss all my family and friends. Thank God for skype, it has literally saved me. I get to see my mom all the time, and see my house, it's almost like I'm still there. I get to talk to my dad a lot more than we would have talked on the phone. I get to see my best friends like they are right in my room. It's indescribable. But it just makes me wish they were here with me, and when we hang up, I'm back to my lonesome self. But, I'm so happy that I have good enough friends that want to chat with me even though I have nothing exciting to say, and such a supportive family. Honestly, though, I really can't wait to be in sweatpants, sitting on the couch in the basement with my mom, laughing our asses off because we're just that ridiculous. I can't wait to see my kitty and have her ignore me three minutes later. I can't wait to just feel that "home" feeling that I haven't gotten here yet. I still feel like a visitor. But hopefully soon, that will begin to change.
Tomorrow I get to go to OKC (the big city....) and visit my family! I couldn't be more excited to get this taste of home and family that I've been missing the past few weeks. It really is a blessing to have family about an hour away, so even though I'm stranded in the middle of nowhere, there is that feeling of comfort within arms reach. I don't know what I would have done in Oregon, being completely on my own....maybe someday, but I'm not totally ready for that yet. This is scary enough! Thank goodness for labor day weekend.
That's enough for my first blog post. I hope that at some point, I have more interesting things to write about, but I'll get there. And for your information, I tried to reduce the extreme amount of ellipses that I often use while writing. However, I found that to compensate, I used quite a few parenthises. Oh well, you win some, you lose some. To leave on a happier note, a song that I am obsessed with right now: Unfold - Jason Mraz. :) Happy listening!
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